Moral Measure
by Alice I
Summary: Episode Tag for The Last Dragon Lord. Canon characterizations only. This fic answers questions begging to be asked and ties up loose ends left hanging after the last episode of season 2. Now Complete
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Moral Measure

**Author: **Alice I

**Rating: **K

**Beta: **The Lady Isis

**Spoilers: **Season One and Season Two

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Merlin or the BBC interpretation of these classic characters. Just playing with them before I put them back.

**Summary: **"...I can see the pain in your heart, but no matter how miserable you feel, this pain is a good thing." A sharp stab of remorse and guilt speared Merlin's heart at his mother's words. It felt like a pronouncement of judgment to him; one he richly deserved...  
This is a fic that ties up a bunch of unanswered questions and loose ends left at the end of season two. Someone had to do it.

**A/N – **I have finally caught up with the rest of the world where Merlin is concerned thanks to some friends pointing me in the right direction. Season two was by far better than season one and the last few episodes were stunning. At the end of The Last Dragon Lord I was flabbergasted at where they left things. I personally disagree with one small thing. Well actually two, but the first is Merlin's happy go lucky smile in the last scene as he walks back to the castle with Gaius. I mean after everything that he has been through over the last two weeks there is no way he would snap back and be just fine and dandy with how everything turned out. The other thing I disagree with is that Kilgharrah was the last dragon alive. I mean really? Did Uther go to China and kill all those dragons as well? How about Scotland, and Japan and every other place where there is dragon lore? But what is canon is canon and can not be changed. Perhaps Kilgharrah is the last of the European (British) dragons.

In any case I had to write this because I could not think of anything else there for awhile. I am finishing up the fourth and final chapter of this story and it should be done by the end of the week. This is really nothing more than an episode tag for The Last Dragon Lord and how I would interpret the unfinished business I saw after that episode.

**Moral Measure**

**Chapter One**

Arthur walked to the castle beside Guinevere feeling conflicted. The last week had been beyond exhausting and the final battle with the monster that had almost single-handedly destroyed Camelot left him worn, but exhilarated at the same time. He turned to Gwen, gazing into her eyes. Tonight was a night to remember. Her embrace had taken him by surprise - both for its warmth and its boldness. She hadn't hidden her feelings, even in the relative public of the main courtyard.

"Gwen, go and round up as many people as you can find. Spread the word to commoners, servants, gentry and the guards. Have everyone meet in the Great Hall in an hour's time. Get the kitchen staff to bring food and wine; as much as they can gather. Tonight we celebrate."

He couldn't believe it - he had slain a dragon. He hadn't even realized that he had done so until Merlin told him. The last thing Arthur clearly remembered was striking the beast, only to have it strike back with so much force that he sailed through the air. He'd landed so hard it forced the air from his lungs with tremendous force. After that everything went blank until he opened his eyes to a starlit sky and his manservant standing over him.

Merlin walked several paces behind him with Gaius. The prince looked over his shoulder. "Merlin," he said, in a voice that clearly spoke of his desire to be followed.

Gaius smiled warmly at his ward and nodded him off in the prince's direction. Gwen joined Gaius and the two headed off to carry out Arthur's instructions together while Arthur led Merlin up to his chambers. As they entered the room, Merlin automatically began to unfasten the armor from the back. Arthur couldn't seem to hold still, yet Merlin showed surprising patience with the emotionally-charged prince.

"I still can't believe it, Merlin. We did it."

"Yeah, you did it alright. Although for a moment there I was certain that Camelot had lost you when Kilgharrah tried to burn you alive."

Arthur turned around and looked at Merlin with unabashed shock. "Kilgharrah?"

Merlin looked stunned buy his own utterance and he quickly dropped his eyes. He clearly had not meant to let his words slip. "It... It was the dragon's name. It was called Kilgharrah."

Arthur continued to stare at Merlin as suspicion began to seep into his face.

"Balinor, the Dragon Lord, told me it's name. You were passed out with fever from your wound. When I told him that the great dragon was attacking Camelot, he told me the beast's name was Kilgharrah."

Arthur considered Merlin's explanation for a moment then turned back around so that the young man could continue to unfasten the straps on his armor. "What else did Balinor tell you?"

Merlin didn't answer right away, and Arthur turned once again to look at his friend. He may not be able to admit it aloud - or at least in front of his father - but he did consider Merlin a friend, especially after tonight. Arthur could still scarcely believe that his servant had willingly ventured out to face the most fearsome monster Camelot had ever encountered. Merlin had claimed that he cared about the prince's armor, but Arthur knew what his servant had meant. It warmed his heart to know that Merlin would risk everything to stand by his side.

"Merlin, I will not move from this spot until you tell me what Balinor spoke of that night. You clearly developed some kind of bond with the man - feelings you expressed when you shed tears for someone that you had only known for a day. Now as your master and your prince I am commanding you to tell me what he said to you."

Merlin looked down again, not wishing to meet Arthur's eyes. "You're wrong, Arthur."

Arthur wasn't sure what he was wrong about.

"What you say to your young knights - you tell them that no man is worth their tears, but you're wrong."

This was not what Arthur had expected to hear. "Merlin?"

Merlin was no longer listening, and his blue eyes were very bright. "They all do; every man, woman and child who has died these last few days are worthy of our tears, including Balinor. He was brought to Camelot at the king's request. The king told Balinor that he wanted to use his powers to bring the great dragon to Camelot so that he could make peace with it, but it was a lie. Uther used the Dragon Lord's power to imprison Kilgara. Then he tried to have Balinor killed, along with the rest of the Dragon Lords. Balinor fled Camelot for his life, and moved to another kingdom. He found a woman he loved and made a life with her. He was content to never enter this kingdom again, but when Uther found out where he was, he had him hunted down. Once again he had to flee. He was forced to leave the life and the family he had forged behind in order to protect them."

Arthur heard the anger in Merlin's voice and was slightly taken aback by it. It was obvious that his servant felt very strongly about this.

"Even after everything Uther had done to him, Balinor was still willing to come back here and help a city and a king who destroyed his life and tried to murder him. And in doing so he lost his life!" Merlin paused, and took a deep breath. "So yes, Arthur, even Balinor deserves my tears; especially Balinor. He acted with honor and valor. He gave his life in service to a realm that showed him no mercy. Forgive me if I show remorse for his passing and his sacrifice."

As Merlin spoke of the Dragon Lord his voice cracked and his eyes grew more glassy, but he held his head high with a defiant air, almost challenging Arthur to disagree with him. He did not. Arthur had not known the details of his father's association with Balinor and he felt shame for it. Merlin was right. Everyone who had died deserved to be honored, including the Dragon Lord. He would make that clear in a short while - and if his father objected then it was too bad. He placed his hands on Merlin's shoulders and waited for the young man to look at him.

"Merlin, tonight we will honor **all** who have fallen, I promise you that. Now, let's get this armor off."

* * *

Arthur stood beside his father, facing the congregated people of Camelot. They were a ragged-looking bunch having suffered five nights of relentless attack by the great dragon. Kilgharrah, Arthur mentally corrected himself. He took his cup and raised it to the people, causing them to respond in kind.

"Over the last week I have witnessed unparalleled valor throughout Camelot. Brave knights and royal guards have laid down their lives in service to their kingdom, but I have seen farmers, tradesmen, women and even children fighting to extinguish the fires set by the great beast in an effort to save their homes and lives, and those of their friends and neighbors. I have seen servants fall as they tirelessly supported their masters while they worked and fought to save the city. The gentry and those born of nobility have worked side by side with common folk to salvage whatever they could from destroyed streets and buildings. The last Dragon Lord, Balinor, hailing from another kingdom lost his life while returning to save Camelot from the scourge of the beast."

Arthur could see out of the corner of his eye the dark look on his father's face at the mention of Balinor, and felt his stance become rigid beside him. He paid him no heed. Balinor deserved to be recognized.

Before he continued to speak, Arthur turned and beckoned Merlin to his side. Merlin seemed flustered and didn't move at first, but Arthur kept his hand outstretched looking pointedly at the young man until he reluctantly stepped forward. Arthur could tell by his father's shifting feet that he was not comfortable with Arthur's actions either. He laid his arm across his servant's shoulders when he came close enough and drew him up to his side before turning back to the people.

"Fifteen men ventured out this night to defeat the monster and only two returned, _but_ the dragon was defeated. Tonight we honor everyone who has died. The knights who perished tonight have joined the rest of Camelot's fallen. Those number among the gentry, the knights and royal guard, common folk and servants, as well as the last of the Dragon Lords. They were heroes - all - united in a single purpose. They gave their lives in service to King and country, and we honor their bravery and their sacrifice!"

A loud cheer rose up from the people gathered. Arthur wasn't quite finished as he faced the crowd, waiting for the fervor to die down.

"Someone close to me, whom I have come to greatly respect, told me that all who have fallen are worthy of our tears. These are words of wisdom that I will live by. To that end I now raise my glass in honor of all of those who have died."

Merlin's shocked expression was almost comical, but he raised his glass, as did every other person in the hall. Even Uther did so, if grudgingly. Once everyone had taken a drink in toast to the dead, Arthur continued.

"There is much to do to bring Camelot back to its former grandeur, but for tonight we celebrate the end of the siege and the dawn of new hope."

A roar of agreement followed his statement and the people of Camelot raised their cups once again to their lips as did their prince. At a nod from Arthur, the kitchen staff set their goblets down and began to place food out on the tables within the hall. People cheered for Arthur more as they began to find seats and refill their goblets from pitchers placed at intervals along the long tables.

The angry expression on Uther's face could not be hidden and was not missed by Arthur. He knew that he would hear about his words later, and he would gladly speak his mind about what transpired in the past with his father. The king's shortsightedness had cost them dearly.

Merlin seemed to feel exposed up in front of all of these people standing beside Arthur and he pulled back. Arthur didn't force him to stay out in front of everyone, understanding that he wasn't used to this kind of attention. Merlin moved back behind the head table into his customary position, ready to keep Arthur's cup full. The pleased and embarrassed smile on the young man's face made Arthur happy until that smile faded when his servant's eyes drifted to his left. Arthur looked to see what has caused Merlin's smile to falter - and saw his father glaring ominously at his servant. Arthur felt his irritation begin to bubble over until he looked again at Merlin and remembered his words. His father could stew in his own displeasure; tonight was about the fallen. He would not allow anyone including the king to rob them of the honor they deserved.

* * *

By the time the feast had dwindled and the people had begun to wander back to their homes - wander being the appropriate word - the morale of the people of Camelot was palpably stronger. The words of their prince had bolstered their crumpled spirits. Merlin noticed several people embracing, or helping those around them. It was late, but some had actually dug in and begun again in earnest the arduous task of cleaning up. Merlin was still riding on the high of Arthur's acknowledgements. His father's sacrifice would not go unsung, at least for one night. He knew that Arthur was in for a long night of argument with his father, and he felt bad about that in all honesty. But he refused to regret telling Arthur the nature of Balinor's sacrifice.

His own guilt over the death and destruction that had reined down on Camelot over the past week swelled as he looked around at the ruined lower town and market place. Most of the buildings, made primarily of wood, had been leveled. Arthur's words may have bolstered the morale of the people of Camelot, but it would take more than words to ease the pain in the young warlock's heart. He wasn't even aware of his actions when he rolled up his sleeves and joined a few people working to clear away the debris and detritus littering the market place. Thoughts of his father as well as the days of destruction flitted through his mind as he worked. Fueled by guilt and remorse, the young man worked long into the night after everyone else had left for home and sleep. Gaius found him in the back corner of what used to be Tom's blacksmith shop piling up the remains of it's east wall - now nothing more than a haphazard pile of planks charred to a cinder.

"Merlin! I've been looking for you for the last two hours," the old man called out.

Merlin turned at the sound of his mentor's voice startled out of his reverie. He looked a mess to the physician. He was covered in soot and dirt. His face was all but black with ash, except for the tear tracks running down his cheeks. Gaius stepped over to him, looking carefully at his ward's bloodshot eyes in the moonlight.

"Merlin, what are you doing here?"

Merlin frowned at the question and looked around at his surroundings. "I rather thought that bit was obvious, Gaius. Do you need me in the infirmary?" he asked, wondering if he had forgotten to do something.

"No, Merlin, I don't need you in the infirmary. I need you in bed. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Once again Merlin looked around and then up at the sky, half expecting to see an ominous winged figure soaring overhead. The moon was low in the sky to the west indicating that it was only a few hours until sunrise.

"Oh. I didn't realize how late it was, I'm sorry, Gaius. I guess I'd better get cleaned up if I'm to be up on time for Arthur."

Merlin was thankful that Gaius didn't choose that moment to lecture him. He had been running on pure adrenalin, but now that he realized what time it was, fatigue seemed to crash down on him like an anvil. He mutely followed Gaius back to the castle and took a few minutes to strip off his filthy clothes and wash his face before collapsing in bed. He was sure that sleep would render him oblivious to the ache in his heart, but within a few hours he found himself awake again staring out the high window in his room at the brightening sky as the sun rose.

The young man ignored the aches in his body as he rose and dressed for the day. He gathered up his soot-covered clothes and stuffed them in a wash basket to take with him, figuring that he might as well wash them along with Arthur's. Arthur was sound asleep when he arrived at his chambers. Dark circles were apparent under the slumbering prince's eyes and Merlin realized that he must have been up late into the night _'in conference'_ with the king. It was better to let him sleep. Camelot would need him fresh and ready to lead over the next few days. Merlin set the breakfast he had brought down on the table and quietly began to gather up Arthur's discarded clothing.

He left the room silently and headed to the laundry to get the clothes washed and hung, before heading out to the infirmary to see if Gaius, who had left early that morning, needed anything. The physician looked Merlin over when he arrived in the infirmary, a little surprised to see his ward up after so little sleep, but there was so much to be done, there was no time to insist Merlin go back to bed. There would be time for sleep later. He sent Merlin for more medical supplies, food for the injured and ill, and fresh water. By the time that had been done and the infirmary was running smoothly, Merlin took his leave to return to the laundry.

Arthur's clothes, hung by the roaring fire in the large wood stove, were nearly dry when he arrived and he gathered them up to return them to the prince, who was just waking up when he entered Arthur's chambers.

"Merlin, where did you go after the feast last night? I wanted to speak to you."

Merlin looked a bit taken aback by that. "I went back to work in the marketplace. I assumed that you would be speaking with the king after the feast."

Arthur pulled himself from the comfort of his bed and stretched. "You aren't wrong there. Father and I had quite a lot to discuss, but... Wait did you say you went to the market place?"

Merlin was busy hanging Arthur's cleaned clothes and pulling out an outfit for the day when he spoke, but he didn't turn to face Arthur. "Yes, your speech last night motivated many people. There is much work to be done to repair and clean up the damage."

Arthur raised his eyebrows and nodded in approval. He was pleased that his words had struck a chord with the people. "Such dedication to work! Merlin, I'm impressed. You have brought me my breakfast, cleaned my clothes and all before I even got out of bed!"

Merlin shrugged, "Well, as I said, your words motivated the people. I have to return to the infirmary to help Gaius and there's still a lot to do to repair the lower town. I'll bring you your dinner later, unless you plan to dine with the king."

Arthur frowned at that suggestion. "No, Merlin, I will most certainly not be dining with the king tonight. As you have said: there is much to do."

Merlin helped Arthur to get dressed and when the prince turned around he noticed the fatigue in his servant's face.

"Merlin, you don't need to tend to me over the next few days. I am capable of dressing myself. You look as though you haven't slept in days. Perhaps you should go back to your room for a while and get some sleep."

Arthur's suggestion threw Merlin for a moment. Arthur had never before shown such an outward display of concern for him, and it confused him somewhat. "I'll be fine, Sire, but thank you," was all he could manage.

Merlin's emotions were jumbled and confused. He was pleased that Arthur was actually showing concern for his well-being; a novelty for sure, but that warred with his feelings of culpability and attrition for the disaster that had befallen the city. He quickly finished with Arthur so that he could leave and get to work repairing the damage that he felt at least partially responsible for. It was true that Kilgharrah had caused the death and destruction, but he never could have done so if Merlin hadn't set him free. Merlin understood that he had had no choice. He could have allowed Camelot to fall to the knights of Medhir while everyone slept by not making the bargain with Kilgharrah for the answer to breaking the spell laying across the city, but the result would have been the same. He was in an impossible situation and he did the only thing he could to resolve it. But in releasing the dragon the city was nearly destroyed anyway.

His feelings of remorse deepened every time he saw Gwen. She had lost her lady and her friend. If she knew that Merlin had poisoned Morgana in order to force Morgause to stop the attack on Camelot she would never forgive him. He hated what had happened, what he was forced to do, and he began to question what kind of man he was becoming. He had nearly murdered a young woman who was confused and being used and manipulated by Morgause - and in payment had released Kilgharrah, who in turn had nearly destroyed Camelot. He sought out his father and in doing so he had lost him forever as the man died saving his life.

Merlin felt like his life was spiraling out of control, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He could speak to no one of this, even Gaius didn't know that he was the one who had freed the dragon. He felt as though he was truly alone in every way a person could be.

The guilt fueled his efforts, and pushed him far beyond what he should have been able to accomplish. By late afternoon, ready to collapse with exhaustion, Gwen and Gaius found him in a nearly deserted section of the lower town. Both of them had gone out looking for him when he didn't return to get ready for the memorial service for the dead, something they knew he would not miss. Gaius' concern for Merlin's state of mind grew as he saw his young ward's golden eyes. He was using magic to speed along the work of cleaning and repairing. Thankfully Gwen was behind him and could not see the young man's face.

"Merlin!" Gaius shouted sharply.

Merlin's eyes faded back to their normal color and he looked at the stern face of his mentor. Gwen was looking around at the street that had earlier been completely impassable with wreckage. It was now completely cleared so that workmen could come in and begin to rebuild.

"Merlin, how... How did you do this? I saw this street just yesterday and it would have taken ten men to clear out the wreckage. How did you manage it?" Gwen spoke, with fearful awe in her voice.

Merlin realized that he had to come up with a plausible explanation unless he wanted to incur the young maid servant's suspicion. "It did take ten men - actually there were fifteen of us. The others have moved on already. I was just finishing up."

Merlin looked up at the sun hanging so low in the sky that it was obscured by the castle's western tower, or what was left of it.

"Oh, I didn't realize the time. The service is at sunset. I need to get back."

Gaius eyed him with deep concern. "That is why we came looking for you, Merlin."

The young warlock did not want to get into a discussion with either of them at the moment. He nodded to Gwen and walked past Gaius, heading quickly back to the castle. Gwen and Gaius exchanged a look and stared at his retreating back for a moment then followed Merlin back so that they too could get ready for the service.

**End Chapter One**

**A/N - **For those wondering, I have started a second chapter to Square Peg Round Hole. Give me time to get it right and make all this new canon material fit.**  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N -** Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you are liking this story. For those of you who pointed out the spelling of Kilgharrah's name - I actually did look for a spelling and found Kilgara on IMDB, but I much prefer the spelling '_Kilgharrah_' and have changed it throughout the story. I don't know if IMDB has changed it's spelling yet or not as I looked for the spelling when I first decided to write this, which was only a few days after The Last Dragon Lord aired.

**Moral Measure**

**Chapter Two**

As the sun dipped low and was about to set beyond the distant horizon, the sky was awash with deep hues of orange and red. The mood it set was solemn; it was too easy to compare the colors with the fires that had raged night after night, taking so many of their number. The bodies of the dead - at least those that could be found - were laid out atop a huge funeral pyre in the very same clearing that the knights of Camelot had faced the dragon. Every soul who was able to stand and walk was gathered before the structure that had been erected during the course of the day using fence posts and hay bundles, or what ever other materials could be scrounged from the destruction of the city. The structure was enormous - it needed to be, in order to hold nearly a hundred bodies that had to be cremated. Twenty men had been placed around the sides of the rectangular pyre to light it evenly when the word was given.

The raised dais used by the royal family at tournaments had been brought to the clearing and placed at the head of the pyre well back from what would be a roaring blaze in a few minutes. Upon the dais stood the king, Arthur, Gaius, a few of the remaining knights and scattered gentry. The only servants were that of the royal family themselves, standing behind their masters. The rest of the people of Camelot stood along the sides of the pyre. The men designated to light the funeral pyre held burning torches aloft that were as long as jousting lances ready to insert them into the pyre after the eulogy that was to be given by the king himself.

Once the clearing had quieted except for the occasional cry from a baby, the king stepped forward on the dais and addressed the people gathered in a booming voice that easily carried across the gathered throng.

"People of Camelot! These last days have been tremendously difficult for all of you and for your kingdom. You have seen loved ones fall and your city leveled by the evil that _is_ magic, but Camelot has once again persevered. This day will forever mark the day when the last dragon perished at the hands of good men. Your prince, Arthur, has slain this monster and Camelot will never again feel the fires of its evil scourge. We must be ever-vigilant, however, for magic still exists in this world. We have paid a heavy price for this knowledge. As your king, I vow to you that I will not rest until every source of magic is ferreted out and wiped from the earth forever. I swear this to you on the fires of your dead."

That was the signal and the fires of the pyre were lit. No one said a word. There were no cheers or applause as the people has shown the previous night when Arthur spoke of valor and sacrifice. There were only tears and wails from the friends and families of the fallen. Soon the roaring of the flames were the only sound that could be heard. The heat from the huge fire lambasted the gathered crowd and they began to move back further to escape the burning heat.

Arthur turned his head to look at his father and saw a vengeful glint reflected in the monarch's eyes. A small movement from behind him caused him to turn his head further. Merlin had moved back as far as he could, hidden in the deep shadows cast by the setting sun, but the light from the fire illuminated his features. Tears flowed freely down the young man's face as his eyes reflected the deepest sorrow. The contrast between his father and his servant was so stunning that it stilled the young prince's tongue. Arthur had a very bad feeling about what the days to come would hold based on his father's pronouncement. The people of Camelot had suffered so much over the last week. He was certain that they could not withstand a witch-hunt the likes of which had been seen twenty years ago. There could _not_ be another Great Purge.

* * *

Over the next three days Merlin hardly slept. He had withstood a mild lecture from Gaius the evening after the funeral service about using magic out in the open. Gaius' words echoed in his mind every time he decided to use it to help in the recovery efforts.

_"Merlin, did you not hear what Uther said? He spoke this way back during the Great Purge. I have seen this single-minded determination before and he means what he says. He will execute anyone who he even suspects of using magic. He will not wait for evidence. He will act and save his regrets for later. You must promise me that you will not use magic! Merlin, please you must listen to me."_

Merlin had nodded wearily to the old physician and headed for bed only to be up before the sun the next morning. He took Arthur at his word and allowed the prince to fend for himself as he continued working throughout Camelot to clean up and repair the damage. He spent less time in the infirmary than he had previously, not wishing to incur another lecture from Gaius. All the time he worked and pushed his body to it's physical limits of endurance and beyond he thought of his father. He thought about how he and Arthur had to leave him there in the forest in order to escape any more of Cendred's men and get back to Camelot with the news of the last Dragon Lord's death. He thought of his mother and how she would feel when she learned of Balinor's death.

Arthur was so busy that he hardly had time to notice Merlin's oddly fevered behavior, but when he caught sight of him working harder than he had ever seen him work before, he would stop and observe the young man from a distance. The prince didn't understand how or why Merlin seemed to be so deeply affected by the destruction and the deaths of the people, and when he saw Gwen one afternoon he broke off from the guards he was giving instructions, to speak with her.

"Hello, Gwen. How are things going in the infirmary?" he asked.

The young woman smiled up at Arthur causing his heart to skip a beat. "Very well actually. Most of the injured have recovered enough to either go home or join in the recovery effort. There are still a few people who are ill or have more serious injuries and will need tending for some time, but we have been able to convert nearly two thirds of the space into emergency shelter for those who have lost their homes."

Arthur nodded his approval. "That's excellent news. Have you seen Merlin lately?"

Gwen frowned for a moment thinking. "I think he is working with the masons on the repairs to the west tower today. That's where he was the last time I saw him. Do you need me to go and find him for you?"

"No, no that's alright. I was just wondering..." Arthur didn't know how to continue his sentence. "I have hardly seen him over the last few days and..." Arthur stopped again trying to decide how to ask about Merlin without sounding inappropriately concerned, but he _was_ in point of fact concerned about his friend. "Does he seem alright to you?" he finally asked.

Gwen smiled at Arthur's uncharacteristic display of flustered speech, and his obvious concern for Merlin. "He is over tired like everyone else, but he is also working exceptionally hard. I understand why you are worried. Sometimes it seems like he is taking the situation to heart, as though this whole thing was his fault. It's ridiculous really, but that is the only reason I can think of for him working every night until nearly dawn and then sleeping for only a few hours before starting all over again."

"So I'm not imagining it. I know that Merlin has a kind heart, but his fervor seems above and beyond what is reasonable."

Gwen looked around and while the people of Camelot had come together and accomplished a great deal over the last three days there was still an enormous amount of destruction facing them everywhere.

"You know, Merlin comes from a small village. He has never seen death and destruction on this scale before. It must be terrifying for him. I have always lived in a large city and have seen much more, but imagine coming from Ealdor and seeing this. The city looks like a battlefield after a fierce campaign."

Arthur looked at Gwen with appreciation. She always seemed to have the right answer to everything. "You know, Gwen, I think you may be right. I hadn't thought of it like that. Merlin must be feeling overwhelmed. To a farm boy from a tiny village that has a population smaller than the number of people who died over the last week and a half, it must seem like the end of the world. He needs to sleep though, whether he admits it or not. I'll have a talk with him as soon as I see him next. He won't do anyone any good if he collapses from exhaustion, and Gaius probably doesn't need another addition to the infirmary."

* * *

He wasn't sure when he came to the decision, but when Merlin came home late on the third night after the funeral, he sat down facing Gaius and waited for him to look up.

"Gaius, I'm leaving Camelot."

The shock that registered on Gaius' face only lasted a moment to be quickly replaced with fear. "Were you seen using magic?" the old man asked, in a strangled voice.

"No, Gaius, that's not it at all. I need to lay my father to rest, and then I will go home. I need to see my mother."

Gaius sighed with relief, but his respite only lasted a moment as Merlin's intentions sunk in. "Merlin! We are at war with Cendred. You cannot go back. If they find you..."

"I know, Gaius, but that changes nothing. I will leave in the morning."

"Merlin, by the time you get back to him it will have been six days. Your father will..." Gaius tapered off searching for a delicate way to say what he needed to, but Merlin cut him off.

"My father's body will be exactly where we left it, undisturbed. I made sure of that before we left him. Don't even try to talk me out of this; it is something I must do. I'm his son, Gaius, I have to lay him to rest. My mother has a right to know how he died. She has a right to know that he died saving my life."

Gaius bowed his head in defeat. He knew that Merlin would not be dissuaded from this course of action. "What about Arthur. What will you tell him?"

"I've hardly seen him in the last three days. He'll not even notice I've gone."

Gaius' face took on a stern expression. "Merlin, the clean up of the city is nearing completion. Most of the sick or injured have left the infirmary and gone back to homes if they have them or are staying with friends, relatives and neighbors if not in the emergency shelter. New construction is underway and Arthur _will_ notice your absence. Do you expect me to lie to him for you?"

Merlin sighed. Gaius had a point. "No of course not, I just didn't want to deal with him trying to forbid me from leaving. I'll go and tell him that I leave for Ealdor in the morning."

--- ---

As Merlin predicted Arthur strongly objected to Merlin's plan to travel to Ealdor.

"Merlin, if Cendred's men catch you they will kill you, and I won't be there to protect you this time. No. You cannot go. I forbid it." Arthur stated, in a voice that he obviously considered final, but that didn't have any effect on the young man.

Merlin knew he would encounter resistance and shook his head slightly. "I have asked Gwen to take over my duties until my return. I'm sure you will manage to get along without me for a few more days."

Arthur just stared at Merlin as though he had lost his mind. "Did you not hear me, Merlin? I said I forbid you to leave. And besides, I can not see Gwen drawing me a bath."

That brought a mischievous grin to Merlin's face. "Somehow I think the two of you will figure out the best way to get you bathed."

"Merlin!" Arthur replied, trying and failing to sound scandalous. But his eye also shared that same mischievous glint at the thought.

Merlin laid a hand on Arthur's shoulder and spoke softly. "I need to go home. Take care of yourself, Arthur. Take care of Camelot."

Arthur was so easy to read and Merlin knew that the prince could see, and took note of, his drawn features, the clothes that seemed to hang off his slender frame more loosely than usual, the deep dark circles under his eyes and he used that to his advantage in this instance.

"I don't like this, Merlin, but perhaps this i_s_ something that you do need to do. You're working yourself into an early grave here in Camelot, but venturing into Cendred's kingdom was a risky venture at best, so if you insist on going then fine, I'll go with you."

Merlin dropped his hand from Arthur's shoulder and shook his head decisively. "No, Arthur, you are needed here. I'll not be gone long. I _am_ from Ealdor, remember. If I run afoul of any of Cendred's men I'll simply tell them that I am going home. It would not be a lie."

Merlin carefully left out that in their last encounter with Cendred's men no one had bothered to ask who they were before they attacked. Arthur wasn't fooled for the same thought occurred to him. Merlin could tell that the prince wanted to continue the argument but held his tongue as he saw the determined set to his servant's jaw and the resolve in his eyes. Merlin sighed. He didn't like being at odds with Arthur, not like this.

"Arthur, please try to understand, this is something I have to do."

"But why? Why must you go and see your mother now. Why not a month from now or in the spring, or any other time. What is so urgent that you need to travel through Cendred's kingdom right now?"

Arthur was digging his heels in and Merlin knew that if he didn't bring this to a conclusion right now he could well end up in a cell_ 'for his own protection'_. That wouldn't stop him from leaving naturally, but he would rather it not come to that.

"It's personal, Arthur."

"What is?" the prince demanded, beginning to loose his temper.

"I need to get away from here, Arthur!"

Merlin was beginning to feel a little desperate. This was precisely why he hadn't wanted to mention any of this to Arthur. The desperation seeped into his voice and Arthur mistook it's meaning.

"I can't stay here any longer. I've tried, I really have. You don't understand, and I can't explain it to you. I'm leaving in the morning, Arthur. I _have_ to. Please I'm asking you as a friend - don't try to stop me. This is something I _need_ to do."

--- ---

Arthur studied his servant's face for a moment. He looked on the verge of tears, which unsettled the young prince. He had never seen Merlin behave this way. He remembered what Gwen said about Merlin never seeing this kind of death and destruction having come from a small village. He thought about how hard Merlin was working compared with the rest of Camelot to clean up and repair the damage done in the attacks. He knew that he could simply throw Merlin into a cell, but without provocation he feared what it would do to his servant. He was so close to some sort of emotional breakdown. Arthur didn't like it, but he came to a decision.

"I'll give you four days to return, Merlin. Any longer than that and I will come looking for you."

"You do realize that it takes more than a day to get to Ealdor?" Merlin replied, a bit sarcastically.

"Merlin, you can get there in one day if you leave at first light and travel straight through. I don't like this, but it is clear that you will simply ignore my order to stay here. I'll make sure you have one of the strongest and fastest horses in the stable. If I can't stop you and I can't go with you then the least I can do is make sure you have what you need to return safely."

The relief that washed over the young man's face was startling and for some reason it unsettled Arthur even more. "Thank you, Arthur." Merlin said, as he turned once again to leave.

Arthur watched him as he reached for the door and on an impulse he stepped over to the young man and placed a hand on his shoulder stopping him. When Merlin turned around, Arthur saw the unshed tears glistening in his servant's eyes, and the prince got a terrible feeling in his gut that he might never see Merlin again. Arthur drew the young man closer draping his arm over the thin shoulders. "Four days, Merlin. You come back to us in four days."

Merlin was so startled by Arthur's physical display that he could only nod. After a moment he cleared his throat and repeated, "Four days." Then he turned and left quickly.

--- ---

True to his word Arthur had risen early and had the stable master prepare one of the finest horses in the royal stable for Merlin. The young man came out to the main courtyard and was surprised to see Arthur up and standing there with the horse ready for his departure. The sun was just rising over the distant hills casting long early morning shadows across the deserted courtyard.

"Arthur! You didn't need to see me off."

Arthur patted the horse and pointed to the scabbard strapped to the saddle on the left side. "Look I know that you are hopeless with a sword, but you need to have something to defend yourself if necessary. I considered sending a guard with you..." Merlin blanched at that thought and his expression was not lost on Arthur who continued, "... but that would only single you out as a foreigner and make you a target. Move quickly through Cendred's kingdom and keep your eyes peeled for his men. If you see them, you hide or you run. I mean it, Merlin. You wouldn't stand a chance against trained soldiers."

"I'll be careful, and I'll see you in four days." Merlin said, as he mounted the horse.

As Merlin rode out of the city gates, Arthur watched him go - a knot in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

Merlin made straight for the place where he and Arthur were attacked by Cendred's men. His father's body was protected by a spell that Merlin had cast as they rode out towards Camelot. None but Merlin himself would be able to see Balinor as he lay on the forest floor, lifeless. Knowing that Arthur would make good on his promise to come looking for Merlin he rode hard all day and arrived in that clearing as the sun hung low in the western sky. Balinor remained as Merlin had predicted, in the same spot, undisturbed by man or beast. He waved his hand and the spell died away revealing the Dragon Lord's body.

He had decided that he would bury his father along side the river cave he had called home. He would have preferred to take Balinor home to Ealdor, but that was just not practical with Cendred's men out and on the prowl. Merlin used magic to lift Balinor's body up onto his horse and he walked guiding the animal to the river. The sun was setting as he came to the cave that his father had called home over the course of Merlin's life.

As the light began to fade from the sky Merlin once again used magic to move a large pile of stones aside to expose the earth underneath. He would have dug the grave with his own hands, but the failing light of the day prevented him from doing so. It took him only a few minutes to magically dig the grave and place his father gently inside. The sun had fully set by the time the young warlock with tears streaming down his face had replaced the dirt and stones creating stone cache grave.

Balinor was the last of the Dragon Lords. Merlin couldn't consider himself a Dragon Lord, not without feeling as though he were replacing his own father. The skill he had inherited was too new and too painful to fully acknowledge.

Balinor needed a fitting headstone. Merlin gazed out over the river now sparkling in the light of the rising moon. Half way across the river almost at the center of the rushing water a large stone protruded up breaking the surface of the water. The currents and eddies of the flowing water had carved out a smooth contour in the rock that resembled the curved wing of a dragon. Looking at it in this light Merlin thought he understood why his father had selected this place for his home.

Even as fatigue sapped his strength, the young warlock focused his mind and his eyes burned golden. He lifted the giant stone from the riverbed and willed it forward. It moved slowly through the air just skimming the surface of the rushing waters as it came closer to shore. The effort of concentration to move the giant stone brought Merlin to his knees, but he never faltered in his resolve to lay his father to rest properly with a fitting marker. Finally as the last of his strength left him the stone settled on the ground past the bank of the river at the head of the grave. The bottom of the stone was caked in river sludge and mud, which worked as a perfect bed for the stone to rest on as it settled onto the rocky ground.

Once the stone had come to rest Merlin closed his eyes and rocked back on his heels utterly spent. After a few minutes he raised his face to the starlit sky allowing the cool evening air to dry the sweat dampening his brow. He breathed slowly and deeply as he sat there knowing that his task was not yet complete. Using magic caused fatigue as surely as working with ones hands did, it was just a matter of scale. The headstone Merlin had plucked from the river would have taken ten strong men, ropes and at least two full size workhorses to move. He felt the strain on his mind and heart but much to his surprise he could feel a well of magical energy residing deep down, untapped and ready to use.

It seemed odd to the young warlock that using so much magic could actually make his magic stronger. His logical mind wanted to believe that the use of magic would deplete his strength, and yet the more he used it, the more his magical strength seemed to grow. The same however did not hold true for his physical strength. That had nearly reached its end. He found it hard to rise up from the ground where he knelt as every muscle in his body protested the movement. But, rise he did, and he walked up to the grave looking at the headstone and it's placement. He saw the mud and sludge and wondered if the stone would move once it dried up. He concentrated once again, focusing his mind on the base of the headstone. His eyes glowed golden once more and the mud dried and became hard. The headstone ground heavily down into the earth, finally settled into its permanent resting place.

Moving around to the front of the stone, Merlin looked at the rock in the moonlight. He focused on the image he'd seen before in the stone. He allowed it to fill his mind, visualizing the minutest detail. He had spent enough time with Kilgharrah that without realizing it he found himself envisioning the great dragon in the stone adorning Balinor's grave. Kilgharrah was the dragon that linked father and son together, being the last dragon Balinor had spoken to and the first dragon that Merlin had spoken to. In speaking to Kilgharrah as a brother Merlin had inherited his father's gift and his magic had grown to a new depth. He could feel his father's spirit standing there beside him in the moonlight as the vision of Kilgharrah filled the young warlock's mind. Merlin's eyes grew brighter gold than they ever had and the vision from his mind was etched into the stone, perfectly matching the natural contour of the rock.

_'It is a fitting grave, my son.'_ Balinor's voice sounded in Merlin's heart as his eyes faded back to blue, before the young warlock dropped to his knees and wept.

* * *

Merlin slept in his father's home, retiring to the safety of the cave when his tears had dried, and his body could take no more. When dawn came and he woke, he knew it was almost mid-morning by the position of the sun. He would have liked to have been awake earlier, but his body needed the sleep desperately. He took some time to look around his father's cave. This is the place the man had called home for so many years and Merlin wanted to know what this place was to Balinor. He wanted to try and look at it through his father's eyes. Aside from the mundane necessities of daily living, the cave was nearly barren. It seemed such a sad existence for a man who had committed no crime and a feeling of righteous indignation swelled in his heart for his father against Uther. It wasn't the first time that he had thought ill of the king of Camelot. It wasn't the first time the young man had struggled with the desire to allow the king to die, and yet he had saved him on more than one occasion.

There was nothing here that spoke of Balinor as the man that he was which disappointed Merlin. He wanted to find some remnant of his father's life that he could hold on to, but it was just a cave used as a home for a broken man. Merlin sat down heavily against the stone wall of the cave and felt the rocks behind him move slightly. Turning curiously he saw that a smooth stone sitting in the wall was loose. He pulled at the stone's edges and it came away from the wall easily. The stone was covering a depression in the rock and inside Merlin found what would become one of his most prized treasures.

Deep in the recess of the wall was a leather-bound book. When he pulled it out and looked inside he found pages and pages of writing in Balinor's hand. It was not so much a journal but a book of his father's thoughts and beliefs, his teachings; there were spells and incantations from the old religion - prayers are what his father called them. There was some explanation of what the old religion meant and what it had taught Balinor throughout his life. There were several pages dedicated to forgiveness and acceptance. This startled Merlin considering how angry his father was when he had first met the man. He had every right to be angry, after the way he had been treated, but his behavior was in direct contrast to what his father had written in this book.

Merlin also found a carving lovingly crafted of a woman's face in shale. It was the likeness of his mother, Hunith. The shale was strong and yet delicate and Merlin couldn't fathom how Balinor had managed to carve the stone to his design without breaking it. It was a truly amazing piece of work and the young man held it reverently in his hands. The carving reflected how she appeared as a young woman. It was how Merlin remembered her when he was a small boy. After a moment he looked around and picked up an old piece of leather and carefully wrapped the shale carving up to protect it. He would give this to his mother.

**End Chapter Two**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Arthur had never cared for other servants taking Merlin's place, yet he had to admit that Gwen was the exception. Waking up to her smiling face was a sight that he made his heart flutter. The first morning after Merlin had left she quietly entered Arthur's chamber and set his breakfast down on the table before rounding the bed to gather up his clothing from the previous day.

Arthur had heard Gwen enter the chamber, at first thinking it was Merlin until he remembered that Merlin was gone. When he realized that it was Guinevere, Arthur decided to feign sleep and lay in bed seemingly sound asleep, eyes closed except for mere slits allowing him to see. His chest was bare and when Gwen came close enough to get a full view of him her eyes opened a little wider and her face became flushed. As she gathered up the old clothing she seemed to be trying to move quietly so as not to disturb the prince, all the while a smile kept turning up the corners of her lips.

Arthur enjoyed how she seemed to be drawing out the task of straightening up his chambers as well as the fact that she kept looking at him, that is until she stubbed her toe on the bed. She dropped the gathered laundry and quickly put her hand over her mouth to keep from making any noise. Arthur couldn't help feeling amused by her efforts not to wake him, and he tried to remain _'asleep'_, but he simply couldn't keep up the facade. Without opening his eyes he spoke in a soft voice.

"That sounded like it hurt."

"Oh dear, I was trying not to wake you. You looked so peaceful lying there, um I mean well of course you would look peaceful, you were sleeping. What I mean is, I'm sorry I woke you - well even though I am supposed to wake you, what I mean is you looked so..." she trailed off, clearing her throat. "Serene."

"Gwen, it's fine. Really I have to be up early. There is a lot for me to do today." Arthur said, as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed stretching his arms up over his head causing the flustered girl to smother a gasp as she admired his perfectly toned physique. This turned her face an even deeper shade as she turned her head away disconcerted by her response to the sight of the prince. Arthur was delightfully pleased with her reactions, but he didn't want her to feel embarrassed so he simply pretended that he hadn't heard her.

The thought of her hands getting him dressed caused its own reaction in the young prince and he quickly decided that he would be dressing himself as he grabbed the bed covers and pulled them up over his waist. Now it was Arthur's face that was flushed but fortunately Gwen didn't seem to notice; at least Arthur hoped so. She turned and moved away from him to his wardrobe looking for some clothes for him to wear that day.

"Camelot is very fortunate to have you, Arthur." Gwen spoke softly with her back turned to him as she sorted through his clothes. He could tell by the set of her shoulders that she had something on her mind so he sat quietly and waited for her to continue.

"You have always been a great warrior, of that everyone agrees, but it's not your skills with the sword that sets you apart."

Gwen stopped for a moment. She had his red shirt in her hand as well as his brown trousers. Arthur thought to himself that it was the outfit he would have chosen as well. She turned around and faced him with such a serious and fierce expression on her face that his previous flush faded to the back of his mind.

"Any time there is a threat to Camelot or a battle to be fought and you ride out, you have the love, hope, and loyalty of not only your men, but all of Camelot. They all believe in you, but your leadership doesn't end on the battlefield. It's your leadership in the aftermath that has proven beyond anyone's doubts that you will be a great king. Not that anyone would ever doubt that."

Arthur couldn't help but think about his father. Uther Pendragon certainly had doubts about his son's ability to rule the kingdom; doubts he made very clear the night that the dragon was killed, but Gwen's voice pulled him from his reverie.

"Arthur, your leadership here in the city, your kindness toward the common folk who lost the most, that is what sets you apart from other rulers. It isn't just the soldiers the knights and the gentry... it's the _people_ of Camelot who believe in you, Arthur. They are proud to have you as their prince and future king. And so am I."

Arthur felt a little flustered at her words. He was not used to receiving praise like this. Having his skills as a warrior complimented was one thing, but what Gwen was saying was in direct contrast to what his own father had said the last time they had spoken.

"Gwen, thank you. I will always try to live up to my responsibility to my people. It is nice to hear that I am successful in my efforts." There was a awkward moment of silence between them as Gwen laid the clothes on the end of the bed. "I will be working all day so honestly there isn't much for you to do for me today. How are things going in the infirmary?"

Gwen stooped to pick up the clothes she had dropped earlier and placed them in a wash basket as she spoke. "There are only two people left who still need tending to. The space is now being used entirely as a refugee shelter for those who have lost their homes. The adults are out every day working to repair the city and a few of us have taken to caring for the children while their parents work in the city."

Arthur nodded. He hadn't considered what would happen with the children while the city was under repair. "Well it seems you have quite a lot to do today as well."

Gwen turned to leave with the laundry, but stopped when Arthur called her name.

"Gwen,... um..." he stammered a bit. "Would you take supper with me tonight? I'd like to hear about the shelter and the children, and..." Arthur took a breath and plunged ahead not caring how it sounded. "I'd just like to spend some time talking with you."

Gwen smiled so brilliantly that Arthur thought his heart would stop for a moment. "I'd love to, Arthur."

Arthur looked around and back at her, "So shall we say here in my chambers at sunset then?"

Gwen curtsied slightly and turned to leave with a beaming smile; a smile that would warm him throughout the arduous tasks of the day. Once she left Arthur felt energized as he got dressed. He thought about what Guinevere had said to him – unfortunately it also brought him back to the argument he had had with his father the night he fought the dragon. His good mood faltered a bit as he recalled the encounter.

---- ----

After the feast dwindled to just a few of the nobles, Arthur got up to leave the hall. He wanted to go and look for Merlin who had already left, but was waylaid by his father who moved to stand in front of him with blazing eyes.

"Come with me, Arthur." he commanded.

With that, the king turned on his heel and walking out of the Great Hall. Arthur had known that this was coming, and sighing deeply he squared his own shoulders and followed the king to the throne room. Once the doors were closed behind them, Uther wheeled about facing Arthur with fury etched into every line of his face.

"How dare you honor that man in _my_ hall! You showed abysmally poor judgment in naming the Dragon Lord among the honored dead of this kingdom. You are to be king someday, but I question whether you will ever be ready for that mantel of responsibility. How do you expect to rule this kingdom if you can not understand and respect the most basic things I have tried so hard to teach you?"

Arthur stood back and studied his father calmly. Uther wanted to fight but Arthur wouldn't get sucked in so easily. "Balinor deserved to be honored." he replied, evenly.

"Balinor!" Uther shouted the name. "...was a user of magic and fundamentally evil. He was an enemy of this kingdom and if the need had not been so great, I would never have allowed you to seek him out! He did nothing, Arthur! He did **not** come and rid us of the beast; you and your men did that. You know this as well as anyone. That man has no privilege to be honored in this hall. He brought the dragon to Camelot in the first place!"

Arthur knew that if he allowed his father to continue he would eventually talk himself into a corner and Uther did not disappoint.

"At your request." Arthur replied in a hard tone, and it stopped Uther dead in his tracks. He was stunned by the soft spoken words of his son, not for their validity or even for the steel in Arthur's voice, but for the fact that he knew them to be true. Arthur could clearly see these thoughts play out across the king's face as though he had said them aloud.

"I don't know what you think you know, but I can assure you that nothing is what it may seem."

Arthur searched the older man's face looking for the truth. "So are you telling me that you didn't convince Balinor to use his ability as a Dragon Lord to bring the last dragon here to Camelot?" Arthur continued to stare hard at his father ready to pounce on the lie he felt sure was about to come.

"Arthur you saw first hand what that creature did to this city! How many of your men have died over the last week? How many innocent citizens of Camelot were killed in the siege? Men, women, and children have all perished in the destruction and flames unleashed upon this city as the beast attacked night after night! That monster was evil!"

Arthur wasn't about to allow his father to change the subject or divert his focus. "Yes, father, I have seen what the beast did. I lived it! What I want to know is what the dragon did _before_ you imprisoned it? Which cities did it attack and destroy? What villages did it level? What was it, Father, that prompted you to lure it here so that you could put it in shackles, stashed away under the castle to be forgotten about?"

Uther slammed his fist down on the table. "What cities did it destroy? What villages did it level? You dare to question me about something that happened before you were old enough to even walk? It was a dragon, Arthur! What more provocation do I need?"

"What provocation do you need? You round up and slaughter users of magic without trial or evidence of crimes committed, you imprison a dragon that caused no harm to you or your people and then slaughter the only ones capable of controlling it! Did it occur to you over the last week that maybe this dragon that killed so many of our people and nearly destroyed the city and this castle was not so much evil, but infuriated about being chained up for the past twenty years?"

Arthur's voice rose in pitch with each word until he was shouting at his father, a fact that Uther took great umbrage over.

"You would do well to remember who it is you are speaking to!" Uther shot back.

Uther's implied threat held no sway with the furious prince. "Who _am_ I speaking with, Father? You deceived Balinor. You convinced him to use his power and influence over dragons to bring the last of its kind here to Camelot under the pretense of making peace with it, but it was a lie. You tricked the Dragon Lord so that you could imprison the beast. Then you rounded up all of the Dragon Lords and had them executed! Balinor managed to escape to another kingdom, but you were not satisfied and had him hunted down like a criminal even though he had committed no crime. This forced him to flee again leaving behind the life and family that he had found in order to protect them."

Uther's face grew harder with each word and he opened his mouth to speak, "Family?"

Arthur wasn't about to acknowledge his father and spoke over him. "Balinor on the other hand agreed to come back to Camelot knowing that you still ruled. He did so after saving my life, also knowing full well who I was. He could have easily turned his back and left me to die and Camelot to its fate, but he didn't. He didn't want to return and refused at first, but something Merlin said to him changed his mind."

Uther held up a hand. "Merlin? What could your servant have said to change the Dragon Lord's mind about returning?"

"He said that he had been told of the honor of the Dragon Lords. He wondered if he had been misinformed. Later Balinor caught up with us and said that he would help but sought no reward for his service. We were attacked by Cendred's men and he fought bravely alongside the son of the man who tried to have him killed. And then Balinor was killed by one of the soldiers who was about to run Merlin through. He lost his life protecting someone he had known for... only... a... day..."

Arthur's voice faded slightly and his eyes grew distant. As he spoke those last words it was clear that he was thinking about something unrelated to their argument; something that those words had triggered. He looked up at Uther after a pause. "Why would he do that?"

It was a genuine question to which Uther had no answer. It was clear on Arthur's face that a piece of some puzzle seemed to fall into place for the young prince of Camelot, but just what that puzzle was confused Uther and made him wary.

Arthur shook his head bringing his train of thought back to the topic at hand. "These are not the actions of an evil man, Father. An evil man does not act with honor. An evil man would not save the life of his enemy's son! He does not place himself in danger to help an enemy who deceived and then tried to kill him, he does not sacrifice himself for a stranger. So you tell me father - YOU TELL ME; who _am_ I speaking to?"

Arthur didn't allow his father to answer the question as he continued on with a look in his eyes that chilled Uther to the bone.

"I'll tell you with whom I am speaking! I am speaking to a king who imprisoned a creature both magnificent and dangerous, and then murdered all those who had the ability to control it. Your hatred and bigotry nearly cost this kingdom everything! Tell me father, who employed the tactics of evil and who conducted themselves with honor here?"

Arthur had stopped shouting even though his emotions poured out of him like a torrent. His voice was cold and furious. He felt almost as angry as he had when he first returned to Camelot with the voice of his mother echoing in his mind. A voice that Arthur now wondered may well have spoken the truth.

Uther was livid with rage. "I am your father and you will show me some respect! What's more; I am your king and you will not speak to your king this way!"

Arthur placed his hand on the hilt of his sword and stared at his father for a moment before saying anything. Then when he did speak his voice was hard and cold with an air of betrayal behind the words.

"I could not agree with you more!"

Arthur turned his back on his father and walked purposefully out of the throne room ignoring his father bellowing at him to return.

That was the last time Arthur had spoken to the king. There was so much work to be done that it wasn't difficult for him to avoid his father, but the unresolved anger and veiled accusations hung in the air; palpable and unrelenting.

As Arthur got dressed his thoughts kept wandering back to his argument with the king where Balinor was concerned. The Dragon Lord had developed some sort of emotional bond with Merlin, that much was clear to the young prince. He had seen the small dragon carving that Balinor made for Merlin which gave Arthur reason to believe that it wasn't a one sided connection. Merlin was indeed from a small village and meeting a fabled Dragon Lord could easily explain why the young man was so taken with the powerful figure, but to have the Dragon Lord take such an interest in a young boy he had never met was baffling. There was more to the relationship between them than what was apparent on the surface, but Arthur couldn't understand what that connection could be.

As the young prince worked throughout the day, overseeing the construction efforts on the castle as well as the newly formed buildings going up all over the lower town and market place, he couldn't get this puzzle out of his mind. When he and Merlin had first arrived in the border town of Enged, Merlin had no idea who Balinor was and had even asked if any of the men in that pub they came to could have been the Dragon Lord. When Merlin actually did find the man's cave at the foot of the Veora mountains he himself had been unconscious.

Arthur wished he knew what had transpired between his servant and the Dragon Lord during that time. He remembered seeing them talking quietly to each other as they both gathered firewood in the forest the next day. As soon as the two had caught sight of Arthur walking past they stopped speaking. Arthur hadn't thought anything of it at the time, but now he searched his memory for any snippet of overheard conversation. There was a reason for the bond between the two and Arthur needed to understand it. He realized that he was being almost obsessive about this, but something deep inside told him that if he understood the relationship between Merlin and the Dragon Lord it would help him to understand the odd behavior his servant had displayed of late. Merlin had been upset before they met Balinor, but somehow Arthur knew that the Dragon Lord held the key to understanding what was wrong with his friend.

* * *

Arthur had one of the household servants bring up dinner for two to his chambers just before sunset and he had changed out of his filthy clothes and placed them neatly in the corner before dressing in his dark blue tunic and dress trousers. When Gwen arrived it was apparent that she too had gone home and changed before arriving to dine with the prince.

Gwen told Arthur about her day and how she enjoyed working with the children of Camelot. She even told him that since she didn't really have a job anymore that she was considering offering her services as a daytime sitter for some of the children so that their parents could both work. Having so much destroyed in the way of personal belongings it looked as though many families were considering having both mother and father work until they could get back on their feet. Arthur thought that was a marvelous idea and wondered how she would charge for her services.

Arthur became concerned when Gwen told him that she would be willing to accept payment in the form of things she needed like firewood or food. Things she now had no way of purchasing for herself since she lost her job.

"Gwen, you will not want for anything. I won't have that. Please; you must tell me if you need basic necessities like firewood and food. It isn't your fault that Morgana is no longer here. I'll see to it that you have work in the castle..."

"Arthur, I'll be fine. I already know that two children will need to be cared for after their parents finish building a new home for themselves. I'm sure I'll manage just fine."

Arthur could see the pride in Guinevere's eyes at the ability to provide for herself, but he was still concerned. She would be taking her wages from people who could scarcely afford to feed themselves let alone pay Gwen enough so she could live comfortably. He resolved to make sure Merlin kept an eye on her when he couldn't.

That thought brought Merlin back to the forefront of Arthur's mind and it showed as the prince became distracted by his own inner musings. Gwen had been speaking to him about something but he lost the bead of the conversation as his thoughts churned.

"Arthur? Are you listening to me?"

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I got lost in thought for a moment. What were you saying?"

"It's Merlin isn't it? You're worried about him."

Arthur's first instinct was to deny his concern outright, but he knew that the denial would fall on deaf ears. Gwen read him so well that he didn't think he could ever deceive her about anything. He shrugged his shoulders instead of confirming her suspicion.

"I'm worried about him too."

* * *

The next two days were relentless and long. The castle repairs were almost completed which pleased Uther immensely. Arthur didn't stop working just because the castle was now in its final stages of restoration, but instead moved the majority of his focus to the marketplace and lower town. The king had tried to catch a few moments with his son for several days since their argument but had been unsuccessful do to the incredible amount of work that had to be done and the agonizingly long hours that the prince was keeping. Uther also suspected that Arthur was purposefully avoiding him.

It had been six days since the dragon had been slain and Uther was no longer going to wait until his son was ready to talk to him again. He sent a servant with a message for Arthur, having decided that the only way he would have an opportunity to speak with his son was to demand it by royal summons – something even Arthur couldn't ignore. Unfortunately this set Arthur's mood even more on edge as he gripped the summons tightly in one had while brushing off saw dust from his tunic with the other as the doors to the throne room opened to admit him.

Arthur's irritation was evident in his stance and tone. "You summoned, Your Majesty?"

Uther paced back and forth for a moment looking decidedly uncomfortable which seemed very odd to Arthur indeed. His father was nothing if not curt and decisive in his behavior, at least usually. Now he seemed nervous and unsure of himself.

"Yes, Arthur, it seems that was the only way I was going to be able to get an audience with you."

Arthur refused to rise to the bait. He had no time to engage in yet another argument with his father. He was still unsure how he felt about the things his father had done over the years in his desire to purge all magic from the realm. There was a time when Arthur had agreed with the king about the dangers of magic, but he was not so sure he felt that way any longer.

"Arthur, I wanted to talk to you. Please take a seat." Uther held his hand out to a chair at the long table set to the side of the room while he took a seat at the head of the table.

At first Arthur just stood there not sure he really wanted to even have a discussion with his father, but after seeing that the king was waiting patiently for him to join him at the table he sighed and stepped forward and grudgingly sat down.

"The reparations seem to be going very well, Arthur, and I have heard nothing but praise for your tireless efforts."

"I'm glad that you are pleased with the progress. If that is all, I have work to do." Arthur's tone wasn't as cold as it had been the last time they had spoken but it was clear that he didn't want to have this conversation right now.

Uther finally had Arthur in the same room with him, sitting at the same table and he wasn't about to fritter that opportunity away. He swallowed his pride and spoke before the prince could get up and leave. "You were right, Arthur."

This grabbed Arthur's attention and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. It was a rare occurrence that the king admitted that Arthur was right about anything.

"What you said about me. I will admit that I may have acted rashly all those years ago. It was unwise to imprison the dragon without any way to control it, if it ever escaped. I would still like to know how the beast got out, but it seems that is a mystery that will never be solved, especially now that it's dead."

Arthur was somewhat surprised to hear his father admit to any sort of failing in the past, but it still didn't constitute an apology in his mind. His feelings must have shown on his face for the king sighed deeply before continuing.

"Arthur, regardless of what I said to you the last time we spoke, you must know that I am very proud of you. Your words the night the dragon was slain galvanized the people of Camelot. There is hope in their eyes where there was only fear and despair before. Everywhere I look, people are working hard to repair the damage done. Regardless of class or station the people are working side by side united in the single purpose of bringing this kingdom back from the brink of disaster. This is all because of you, your constant presence among them, your words of praise and encouragement, your willingness to work alongside your people." As Uther said this he indicated the disheveled sawdust covered clothes the prince wore.

"You will make a fine king someday, of that I have no doubt. And my own feelings aside, you were right to mention the Dragon Lord among the honored dead." Uther paused to let that statement register with his son.

"There was a time when this kingdom was in chaos and I made hard and sometimes ill-advised decisions, but I never made any decision that wasn't designed to make life better and safer for the people of Camelot."

Arthur thought about that for a moment. He didn't know what his father wanted him to say. He didn't regret what he had said to his father when they had argued, only that it put a palpable rift between them. Now Uther was trying to mend that rift.

"I'm sorry that I spoke to you disrespectfully, father..."

"There is no need for you to apologize, Arthur. You spoke what was in your heart. I alone bear the blame for the distance between us. I have told you before that you are more important to me than this entire kingdom, and I meant that. It pains me greatly when we are at odds with each other. Perhaps it is I who could learn a lesson from you in this respect."

Arthur sat stunned by these words. Perhaps he _had_ been overly harsh. After all, he had not been alive when the kingdom was riddled with evil sorcerers. Even Gaius had said that there were many sorcerers in those days who abused the power nature had bestowed upon them. Any irritation or lingering anger that the prince had been feeling melted away under his father's praise and a smile turned up the corners of his lips.

"Yes, well I have been saying that you could do with some training. Perhaps I _could_ teach you a thing or two."

Uther swatted at Arthur playfully obviously relieved that Arthur's displeasure with him had abated. "You still have much work to do, the training can wait until the castle is back in one piece."

With that Arthur stood and set the summons down on the table, his smile belaying the tension the paper seemed to hold in the very fibers of its parchment. "I'll get back to it then."

Uther also stood and clapped a hand on his son's shoulder. "I am glad we talked, Arthur. Will you dine with me this evening?"

"I don't think I will be eating until quite late, father. As you said, my presence among the people has helped morale. The western wall of the castle is almost complete as is the market place. There is still much to do in the lower town, but with everyone working together I think that we will be able to finish by the weeks end."

"I won't hold you up any longer then." Uther smiled broadly as Arthur walked out of the throne room and down the hall to the main entrance.

* * *

Arthur's heart was lighter after talking with his father. He also hated being at odds with the king. Arthur had always looked up to his father and as a young boy he worshiped him as the greatest king the world had ever seen. As he grew older some of his childish expectations of the man had been replaced by more practical understandings. He still cared deeply for his father even though he now seemed to disagree with him more often than not. A part of the young prince wondered when he had started seeing a different side to the world than the one taught to him by his father. After careful consideration he had to admit that his change in demeanor and attitude were largely linked to the time he had spent with Merlin. Arthur may not ever wish to admit it out loud, but Merlin had brought about a measurable change in him. His young servant had an open and honest way of looking at the world and he wasn't at all shy about voicing his opinions; opinions that Arthur often found himself privately agreeing with.

Arthur thought again about the argument he had with the king a week ago and as much as he was relieved that he and Uther were back on speaking terms, he still had serious doubts about the king and the past. He decided that it was time to get some answers to both unasked and unanswered questions, and there was only one person that the prince trusted enough to discuss his concerns with who also might be able to provide him with the insight he required.

Arthur found Gaius in his chambers. The court physician had been keeping impossibly long hours over the last two weeks as well. Arthur may have felt a little tired but Gaius was old enough to be his grandfather and yet the old man still seemed to keep up the pace of a much younger man. Arthur wondered how much help he was getting from one or more of his mysterious brews. Potions or natural stamina aside, the court physician looked tired. He moved more slowly that he usually did and the fatigue was apparent in his gate, however he was quick to greet Arthur with a pleasant smile when the prince knocked on the door frame of his open chamber entrance.

"Sire! Please come in. How can I help you?"

Arthur stepped into the cluttered chambers and as he did he used his foot to moved aside the heavy stone that the older man had used to prop open the door.

"Hello Gaius, do you have a few minutes to talk?"

The serious tone in Arthur's voice grabbed the old man's attention and he set the glass jar he was holding down on the table and approached the young prince.

"Yes, of course, Sire. Come in and sit down." he said, indicating one of the short wooden benches he had near his reading table.

Arthur didn't waste any time. "Gaius you have known my father for a very long time." it was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes I have."

"Please tell me honestly without any fear of reprisal..." Arthur paused for a moment suddenly unsure that he really wanted to ask this question.

"What is it, Arthur? You can trust me to keep what ever you say here in confidence."

Bolstered by Gaius' desire to keep this conversation between them confidential he looked up at the old man's face and locked eyes with him. He wanted to look into the man's face see his eyes when he answered. "Do you think that my father has been a good king?"

The expression on Gaius face told Arthur that he wasn't altogether surprised by the question.

"You don't look shocked that I'm asking, Gaius."

Gaius sat down on a second stool facing the young prince. "This is not the first time I have been asked that question."

Arthur immediately thought of Merlin and wondered if he had been the one to ask, but it sounded more like something that Morgana might question. He wondered who had asked Gaius his opinion of Uther's rule, but he knew that the old man would never divulge a name so he didn't bother to ask.

"Yes, Arthur, I do believe that Uther is a good king. You grew up in a Camelot that is far different from the kingdom that existed long ago. There was a time when this kingdom was in chaos. Uther brought order where there was none. Camelot has, for the most part, become peaceful and it has prospered under your father's rule."

Arthur saw no deception in the physician's face and he thought that Gaius sounded sincere.

"Gaius, when the witch finder was here he mentioned that you used to practice magic."

Gaius' expression became wary and Arthur couldn't blame him considering what he had suffered during that encounter.

"I know that obviously you no longer do, but it does make me wonder how you felt about what happened during the great purge."

Gaius shifted slightly on his stool. It was clear that this was not a comfortable subject matter for the aging physician and Arthur once again assumed that being held in the dungeon and almost burned at the stake had a great deal to do with that feeling of discomfort. The prince didn't mean to make the man uncomfortable, but he needed to know what Gaius thought about his father's past actions.

"The great purge was a dark time for everyone in the kingdom, including your father. You must understand that when Uther outlawed the use of magic he had good reason to do so. I and many others honored that law and abandoned the practice of magic or chose to leave the kingdom, but there were those who rebelled against the edict. There were many people who employed the use of dark magic which is a power that corrupts the mind and the soul. Yes, I used magic, but magic itself is neither good nor evil, Arthur. It simply is.

"I may not have always agreed with Uther's methods, and there were times that he went too far, but I also understood why he did what he did. What ever Uther's faults; he truly believed that he acted in the best interests of the people and the kingdom, as do I."

* * *

Not long after Arthur had spoken with Gaius a small group of peasants were led to the castle. Two men had serious wounds and were taken immediately to the refugee center set up in the castle that had functioned as an infirmary and Gaius was summoned. One woman was dead and the only other adult asked to speak to prince Arthur.

It didn't take long for Arthur to make his way down to the courtyard to speak with the man who was accompanied by three weeping children. The man was disheveled and had a minor wound on his left arm. He held the youngest child, a small girl no more than three.

"Sire, we were attacked by soldiers two days hence. After our home was destroyed during the dragon's attack my wife and brothers and their children decided to go to my wife's village of Illendred. My wife was slain and my brothers were wounded as we fought off the soldiers. I had to protect the children and grabbed them to run after my wife was killed. My wife is from Cendred's kingdom and we had no idea that we would be attacked. Ilnora tried to tell the soldiers that she is from Illendred, but they didn't listen to her..." The man stopped as sobs broke his speech. "They just ran her through before she could explain that we were her family. My brothers grabbed branches and rocks and tried to defend us and Robar, my oldest brother, yelled at me to take the children and run. I don't know how but they both managed to kill the soldiers. We had nothing left here in Camelot and were only trying to go to my Ilnora's home."

At the mention of his wife the man broke down again and Arthur looked to the guards who had brought the distraught family to the courtyard.

"Get them all down to the shelter and makes sure they have something hot to eat and a bed to sleep in. Ask Guenevere if she can help out with the children so that this man can be with his brothers."

The man composed himself enough to look up at Arthur and say thank you before the child in his arms began to cry again bringing fresh tears to his eyes. The guards were quick to guide the family over to the castle and lead them to the refugee shelter. Arthur had a hard knot in the pit of his stomach. One of the reasons that he had finally relented and let Merlin go to see his mother was because he was from Ealdor and it would have been true enough if his servant said that he was going home if he ran into any of Cendred's men. Merlin was not due back until the next evening, but Arthur knew he wouldn't be able to wait. He would report to the king, check on Guenevere and Gaius and he planned to ride out as soon after that as he could. He knew he wouldn't get very far before nightfall forced him to stop, but the sooner he left the closer he would be to the border and finding his friend.

**End Chapter Three**

**A/N – **Almost done folks. The fourth and final chapter is off to my beta. It is a ridiculously LONG chapter so it may take her a few days to get it done. I may split it into two chapters or I may not.

I would like to thank all of you who have taken a few minutes to leave a review. It is so nice to get feedback from people and to see what they liked or didn't like. Merlin fans really are the best. Thanks a lot.

I will now begin the work on a second part to Square Peg Round Hole. I think I have figured out how to work the second season cannon into the story so that it fits seamlessly.

To Wileret – Thanks to Fraidycat's article on "it's" verses "its" I think I have fixed all of the issues with that particular possessive pronoun. For anyone interested check it out on the forum "Calling All Authors"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N -** As I said this chapter was ridiculously long, but there was a good breaking point in it so I split it into two. This story now has five chapters rather than four.

I know I mentioned my beta at the beginning of the story but I would like to thanks **The Lady Isis** once again for her insight and beta work.

Thanks so much for reviewing this story. Those reviews do an author's heart good so please keep 'em coming! :-)

**Chapter Four**

When Merlin first saw his mother working out in the field he had a fleeting notion to turn and run, but when Hunith caught sight of him, she had no such conflict of emotion. She dropped the shovel she held and ran to her son embracing him in a bear hug, not wanting to let go. She was shaking slightly with emotion and Merlin wrapped his long arms around her small frame. Finally she pulled back and held him at arms length searching his face.

"Word reached us of the dragon and its attacks on Camelot. I have been beside myself with fear. I would have tried to come and find you, but Cendred has soldiers patrolling the forests near the border killing anyone they think is a refugee fleeing Camelot."

Merlin nodded at this. "I know. I ran into some of them on my way here," Hunith paled at this and Merlin quickly continued, "But I was able to out run them easily. They were on foot and I have one of the fastest horses from the royal stables. Arthur wanted to make sure I had a good horse in case I needed to avoid Cendred's men."

Hunith face became grave. "Then Arthur knows you are here, you didn't run away?"

Merlin shook his head confused by his mother's assumption that he had run away. "Why would I do that, especially after what has happened?"

Hunith looked around. There wasn't anyone near them, but some of the villagers looked curiously over at the two of them. Everyone knew that Merlin came from Camelot and they were curious for news of the kingdom's fate. "Let's go inside." his mother urged, as she turned and led the way back to the village and into her small hut.

Once the door was closed behind them Hunith took a seat at the table near the fireplace and Merlin joined her. "Merlin, does Arthur know that you set the dragon free?"

Merlin almost fell off his seat at the question. It was the last thing he had ever expected his mother to ask him. "What? Why would you... "

"Merlin, I know as well as you that the only way that dragon could have escaped it's bonds was with magic, and unless there are other's like you living right under Uther's nose then you must have been the one to set it free."

Merlin should have realized that his mother would have figured something as basic as that out, and he wondered if Gaius had as well. He had never told the old physician that he had let the dragon go, and Gaius had not asked him. A deep sadness washed over Merlin's features and he looked down at the tabletop as tears stung his eyes.

"No one knows that I set Kilgharrah free."

"Kilgharrah? The dragon's name is Kilgharrah? How do you know that, Merlin? Never mind, why did you set it free?"

Merlin knew he had to tell her everything, but he didn't even know where to begin. So much had happened, so much rested squarely on his shoulders. He had made a mess of things and he had no idea how to put them right. "I had no choice. It was the only way to save Camelot!"

"Merlin, I don't follow you. Didn't the dragon, uh Kilgharrah, attack Camelot?"

Merlin knew that he had to start from the beginning so he sat back and tried to order his thoughts.

"Morgause - a sorceress and the half sister of Morgana hates Uther. She enchanted the knights of Medhir to rise from the dead. Arthur, some of his knights and I rode out to see if the rumors were true. Unfortunately they were. We fought these knights, and they killed everyone. Arthur and I barely escaped. Morgause wanted Uther dead and enchanted the knights to attack Camelot, but not before she cast a spell over the city that made everyone fall asleep. When Arthur and I returned we found everyone sleeping - all over the place. We tried, but we couldn't wake anyone. The only person still awake was Morgana.

"We were only hours ahead of the knights when we got back to Camelot. The knights are unstoppable; they're already dead and you can't kill what isn't alive. I needed help, I needed to know how to wake everyone up, but there was no one who could tell me what to do. I tried to wake Gaius with magic but it was useless, so I went to see Kilgharrah. The dragon wouldn't help me unless I promised to free it. I had to promise on your life to set it free before it would give me that answer I needed."

As much as he tried to hide it, Merlin knew he sounded desperate as he spoke, and the pain in his voice was so powerful that he couldn't mask it - not from his mother who knew him better than anyone else.

"I thought that Morgana was unaffected by the spell because of her magic, but then both Arthur and I started to feel the effects of the spell. It didn't make sense until Kilgharrah told me what Morgause had done."

"Wait; the Lady Morgana has magic?" Hunith asked, her voice astonished.

"Yes, but she only recently discovered this; she hasn't had it all her life; she isn't like me. It frightened her, she didn't understand it, she didn't know how to use it or control it."

Hunith shook her head. "I can see why it frightened her. She is Uther's ward, but he would still have her executed if he found out."

"The spell Morgause cast was very powerful, but for it to work on everyone it needed a vessel. Morgause used Morgana, she manipulated her, I'm sure of it. Morgana was a good person, she would never try to hurt innocent people, but..."

Merlin stopped; the remorse he felt for what he had done still ached in his heart. "The dragon told me that the only way to break the spell was to destroy the vessel. To save Camelot, Morgana had to die."

Hunith sat back and gasped. She put a hand to her mouth as she looked at Merlin, not believing what he was saying. That disbelief shining in his mother's eyes cut Merlin to his core. It hurt far more than anything he had experienced thus far.

"You killed the Lady Morgana? Merlin, you didn't. You couldn't have."

In that moment, Merlin wanted to join his father in Avalon. Seeing the horror in his mother's eyes at what he had done was almost too much for him to bear. He couldn't stop the tears that formed in his eyes, and as hard as it was to continue with the tale, he knew she had the right to know everything that he had done. There was so much more, and he thought for a moment that he wouldn't be able to get through the whole story. He wanted to die with every fiber of his being, but that was too easy a punishment for his treachery. He had to tell the person he cared most about in this world how far he had gone, how he was responsible for everything that had happened. As tears dropped from his bloodshot eyes he continued in a voice that was strained to the breaking point.

"I didn't want to do it, please believe me, Mother. Morgana was my friend, she was lost and confused and she didn't deserve this, but what choice did I have? Arthur was fighting the knights and loosing. He was struggling to buy us time as well as fight off the effects of the spell. He would have died along with everyone else. I..."

Merlin had to stop for a moment as his voice failed him.

"The Gods have mercy on my soul, but I did it, I poisoned her. Morgause realized what I had done, and she burst into the room. She demanded to know what poison I had used so that she could save Morgana, but I wouldn't tell her until she stopped the attack. I didn't know what else to do. Morgause stopped the knights sending them back to the grave, and I gave her the poison. She took Morgana and left. No one has seen either of them since. The people of Camelot woke up, and as far as Arthur knew it was over."

Hunith had lowered her hand and she reached out to take Merlin's hands into her own. He pulled back away from her as if the touch had burned him, but Hunith wouldn't relent. She took a hold of his hands and squeezed tight.

"It wasn't over, because you had a promise to fulfill."

Merlin could only nod, unable to speak. He wanted to believe that his mother understood and forgave him for his actions, but he hadn't forgiven himself so how could she?

"Merlin, this was not your fault. You were put into an impossible position, by Uther, by Morgause, and by Kilgharrah. You made the only choice you could, and Morgana is not dead. You said that Morgause could save her, so I am sure that she did. Merlin, you didn't kill her."

Merlin looked up at his mother and saw love and redemption reflected in her eyes, not accusation and horror. How could she look at him with love after what he had done?

"I betrayed a friend! She wasn't just my friend. She was a friend to Ealdor as well. She came here to help save this village, she trusted me, and I betrayed her, and then I tried to kill her. The fact that she isn't dead means nothing. It doesn't change what I did or how I feel!"

Merlin pulled his hands away from his mother and got up quickly, pacing the small room. For some unexplainable reason his mother's understanding and attitude of forgiveness made him feel worse than the horror reflected in her eyes only moments ago. Hunith got up and went to Merlin. She took her son by his arms and made him face her.

"Merlin, self-recrimination will accomplish what? How is this helping you or anyone else? Please sit down and tell me what happened after you released the dragon."

Merlin hung his head feeling utterly dejected, but he obeyed his mother and moved back to sit at the table. Hunith brought a cup over to the table and a skin of water. Merlin stared off in the distance after taking a drink. He watched the scenes of death and destruction playing out before his mind's eye as bile rose in his throat. He wished that he could makes the images go away, but he knew they were burned into his consciousness forever. Perhaps they should be.

"The dragon attacked the next night after I freed it. At first it only attacked the castle, but that soon changed. Night after night it burned both the castle and the city. It killed so many innocent people. Arthur and his men tried to stop it, but they couldn't. I tried to stop it, but my magic was useless. I tried to reason with it, but it wouldn't listen. By the third night the castle was still standing, but only just; the market place had been destroyed; the lower town had been all but leveled, burned to the ground. Nothing could stop the dragon, and the king was desperate. He asked Gaius what to do. Gaius hesitated for a moment before he told Uther that we needed a Dragon Lord."

Merlin watched his mother's reaction to that statement. Her head snapped up and she stared open mouthed at her son for a moment.

"Gaius told Uther that he had heard a rumor that one last Dragon Lord may still be alive. Arthur jumped at the chance to find a solution to the siege, and when Gaius said that it was last rumored that the man lived in Enged he insisted on riding out after him. Uther didn't want him to go because of the relations with Cendred, but there was no choice. So Arthur and I got ready to leave for Enged. I asked Gaius who the Dragon Lords were because I had never heard of them."

Merlin looked at his mother and he could swear she was holding her breath.

"He told me that they had the ability to talk to dragons - to tame them he said. When he said that I felt like I was missing something because I could talk to the dragon, but I wasn't a Dragon Lord. I asked him how he knew about this last Dragon Lord, a man named Balinor."

Hunith closed her eyes at sound of his name. "You can speak to the dragon. You can understand it?"

"Yes, Mother. It called to me when I first arrived in Camelot. I could hear it here in my mind." He said, touching his temple. Merlin could tell that his mother was very upset by this turn of the story, but there was more, and as loath as he was to tell her he knew he had to.

"Gaius told me that he had helped Balinor escape Camelot, and that _you_ had sheltered him here in Ealdor. Then he told me who Balinor was. Mother, why did you never tell me? I remember asking you about my father as a child, but you always refused to speak of him. Mother, I had a right to know."

Hunith's heard the accusation in his voice, and she sighed. "I loved Balinor very much, Merlin. We were happy, until Uther sent his knights to hunt him down. It was clear that Uther would not rest until Balinor was dead, so he left. I wanted to go with him, but he wouldn't allow it. He was a hunted man and he refused to allow me to share that fate. I found out that I was pregnant after he left and I vowed to keep the secret, to keep you safe. Merlin, please try to understand. You are the most important thing in this world to me. If you had known about Balinor you would have gone looking for him. It was too dangerous. I wanted to keep you safe, I _needed_ to keep you safe. You are all I have left, and I couldn't allow you to be put into harm's way, not even for the love of my life."

Hunith reached up and drew her hand down the side of Merlin's face. "I can see him in you. Did you find him? Is he well?"

Merlin's heart dropped at the hopeful tone in his mother's voice. Once again for a fleeting moment he had the urge to run, to not face telling her the truth, but instead he swallowed hard and continued with the story.

"We found him... well I did. Arthur had been wounded fighting Kilgharrah and became gravely ill. By the time I found the cave that Balinor called home, Arthur was passed out with fever. Balinor saved him, even though he knew who Arthur really was. He told me about what happened, how Uther deceived and then betrayed him. He told me that he found happiness and a home here with you, only to have that ripped away when they came looking for him. He was angry and bitter – He refused to help at first, but he remembered Gaius and how he had helped him to escape. He said that there were good people in Camelot that he owed a debt to. When Arthur was not around I told him who I was, that I was your son. He was so happy to know that you still lived, and he thought that you had married when I told him you were my mother. It took him a few minutes to accept that he had a son, but.."

Merlin's stopped speaking, his eyes glistening with tears as his voice deepened with pain.

"For one... _shining_ moment, Balinor had a son and I had a father. Even after everything that had happened, all of the death and destruction that I have caused, for that moment in time I was truly happy."

Hunith squeezed his hands again and smiled a sad sort of smile. He could see that she was struggling with regret for never telling him of his father. "Did he stop the dragon's attacks?"

Pure anguish rippled across Merlin's face. His father's last words to him echoed in his mind as hot tears welled up in his eyes and ran down his face. "No, Mother, I did."

Hunith rose up from her seat and came over embracing him. "So Balinor is dead."

It was a statement not a question, and Merlin realized that she must have known that Balinor's powers would only transfer to his son after his death. Merlin thought that he had cried all of the tears he had for his father already, but he couldn't stop them from flowing any more than he could stop the wracking sobs that ripped through his chest. He suddenly felt like a small boy again, crying in his mother's arms. He reached out and held on to her tightly only then feeling her slender frame shaking with her own mourning for the man she had loved. After a time they both stopped, and Merlin pulled back away from his mother. He felt utterly drained, but he had to tell her the rest. She had a right to know how Balinor had died.

"On the way back to Camelot we were attacked by Cendred's soldiers. I was about to be run through when Balinor jumped in front of me. He died saving my life."

Hunith held Merlin's face in her hands. "I'm so sorry, Merlin. Balinor was a good man, he would have been a wonderful father to you - he was."

"It's my fault, all of it. Everyone who has died. I carry them all in my heart. It feels like my soul is drowning in death and blood."

Merlin didn't know how to feel any more. He was tired and sad and angry all at once. He could tell that his mother wanted to say something to assuage his guilt, but there really wasn't anything she could say. She sat back down and looked at him for a moment before she asked, "When you returned to Camelot, did you kill the dragon?"

It sounded like a simple question, but it held so much more underneath it. Merlin looked at his mother and his eyes held a deep despair in them.

"So many had died, and all of it was my fault. There had been too much death already. I sent Kilgharrah away, and told it never to return. I showed it mercy, and bade it do the same. Balinor said that the dragon must obey me so I don't think it will hurt anyone else. I just couldn't allow one more death on my conscience. I couldn't be responsible for putting an end to it's race."

Hunith reached out and held Merlin's face between her hands. She seemed to be looking for something in his eyes, but he had no idea what. He thought perhaps she was trying to find the little boy she once knew underneath the monster he had become. That is what he felt like - a monster.

"Merlin, my boy, you know how much I love you, and I can see the pain in your heart, but no matter how miserable you feel, this pain is a good thing."

A sharp stab of remorse and guilt speared Merlin's heart at his mother's words. It felt like a pronouncement of judgment to him; one he richly deserved, but she wasn't done speaking.

"This pain," she said and she placed her hand over his heart, "is your guide. It is the measure of your morality. You have been blessed with great power, Merlin, and you have seen first hand how power can corrupt the heart, the soul and the mind. The grief you feel for the loss of all those who have died is keeping you whole. You need it, but the guilt you carry in your heart is something you must throw away. It is a poison that will destroy you from the inside."

Merlin frowned slightly at his mother's distinction between the two emotions. They were so bound to each other that he wasn't sure he could separate them.

"Merlin, you can not shoulder the burden of guilt for the actions of others. You must understand that you bear no guilt in what has happened, not even to the Lady Morgana," Hunith added.

Merlin pulled away from his mother. "_I _am the one who took the poison from Gaius' shelf. _I_ am the one who put it in the water and offered a drink to Morgana. When she refused _I_ am the one who pretended to drink first then handed it to her urging her to drink. _I_ did this, no one else. How can you say I bear no guilt. Mother, I tried to kill her. I didn't want to, but I did."

"Was the dragon right? Did poisoning Morgana break the spell cast by Morgause?"

"Yes, but that's not the point."

"Merlin, you are the one who is missing the point. Whether Morgana was a willing participant or not, she was the reason that everyone in Camelot slept and would have been killed by the Knights of Midhir. You did the only thing you could do to save Camelot - to save Arthur, but you chose poison rather than killing her with a sword. Maybe you didn't consider the ramifications of poison over running her through with a sword or a knife, but with that choice there existed the possibility of saving her. You said that Morgause could save Morgana if she knew what the poison was, and while it's true that you used the information as a bargaining chip to have the attack stopped, you didn't withhold it when Morgause complied. A sorceress powerful enough to raise the knights from the dead, and cast a spell over the whole of Camelot would have the power to save the Lady Morgana. The guilt for what happened to Morgana falls solely on the shoulders of Morgause and no one else.

"Yes you freed the dragon, but you did so because your word compelled you to. It was the price you agreed to when you asked for it's help, a price you _had_ to pay. That does not make you guilty for the deaths during the dragon's attacks. That guilt lies on the souls of Uther and Kilgharrah. Uther wrongfully imprisoned the dragon for twenty years. He lured it to Camelot with the promise of peace only to betray that trust with chains. It is only natural that the dragon was enraged and wished to seek revenge on his capture, but it was Kilgharrah's choice to take the lives of the innocent, not yours. You can not bear the guilt for those deaths."

Merlin wanted to believe what his mother said to him. He wanted the tiny flicker of hope, of redemption, that her words caused to fill the emptiness in his heart. In his mind her words made sense, and he knew she was right. But explaining that to his heart was a different matter. He still felt the loss of his father keenly; a pain he knew his mother shared.

"And what of Balinor? He died saving me."

Hunith's eyes teared up, but her face was resolute. "I loved Balinor with all of my heart, Merlin. When he left I thought I would die, and then I found out that I was pregnant with you. You were a gift to me that can never be replaced, and I thank the Gods that you are here and safe. Balinor gave his life for you, and for that I am eternally grateful to him. You are not responsible for Balinor's death, Cendred's soldiers are. Cendred and Uther are cut from the same cloth, but all of that will change when Arthur becomes king.

"You told me once that you honestly believe that Arthur will be the force that unites all of Albion and I know that you are right in that belief. You will be - you _are_ the force that has helped mold Arthur into the prince he is today, and then the king that he will become. When Arthur rules with you behind him, men like Uther and Cendred will no longer be able to wantonly destroy the lives of the people of Albion. You must see past the events of the last few weeks and look to the future. It is a future that you will help to bring to life. You say that you showed Kilgharrah mercy, but that is not all you have shown. You are becoming the man you were meant to be."

His mother's words mirrored what Kilgharrah said to him that night, and the feeling was oddly eerie that his mother and the dragon could be of the same mind where he was concerned. He wondered if Balinor would also share this point of view. Thinking of his father, Merlin suddenly remembered the carving he had found in Balinor's cave. He turned away from his mother and pulled open his pack.

"Balinor never stopped loving you, and I know he thought of you often." he said, rummaging through his pack.

"Merlin, I know that is a wonderful thing to think, but it has been so many years. He probably wouldn't even recognize me at this point." Hunith replied sadly.

Merlin very carefully pulled out the shale carving that he had wrapped up in some discarded leather from the cave. "That is not true at all. Here, I found this among Balinor's private things. I'm sure he would want you to have it." Merlin said, as he handed it over to his mother.

She took it with slightly shaky hands, and unwrapped the leather. When she saw what was inside her breath caught in her throat, and tears sprang up in her eyes.

"This is beautiful." she breathed, barely able to speak.

"So are you." Merlin replied softly. "_This_ is how Balinor remembered you. He never forgot you, and he never stopped loving you, Mother."

Hunith admired the carving of her own face, a face that she had long ago, a face that showed how happy she once had been with her love. She set the carving down and got up, moving off to the other side of the room. From a cupboard above her bed she pulled out a very old box. It was something Merlin remembered from his childhood. He had reached for it one afternoon only to be strongly scolded by his mother. The box was hers, and it was private and he was not to disrespect her by invading her privacy. It was a lesson Merlin remembered well - he felt terrible about how upset his mother had become. Later that night after he had gone to bed he saw her looking through the box and weeping quietly as she looked at it's contents. From that moment forward he vowed to himself that he would never go near the box again and he hadn't, so he was shocked to see her pull it out, and bring it to the table placing it there between them.

"There is something here that I think Balinor would want _you_ to have."

Hunith opened the box and shifted the contents aside. In the back corner of the box on the bottom there was a small circular hole just big enough for a finger to fit into. She used that to open the false bottom of the box revealing a hidden compartment. She pulled out a pendant on a braided leather chord and handed it to Merlin. The pendant was made of some sort of stone. It was gold colored with a fiery nearly auburn streak running down the length of the figure that was elegantly crafted to look like a dragon in flight. The wings met at the top of the figure creating a hole for the leather chord. It was the most beautiful thing Merlin had ever seen, and he took it holding the small figurine reverently.

"Did Balinor make this?" he asked, with true awe in his voice.

Hunith nodded. "He made it not long before he was forced to leave. He gave it to me the night he left. He didn't say so, but I think he meant to give it to me as an engagement gift if I said yes to a proposal; instead he simply said that this would be a reminder of him until he could someday return. I knew that he would never come back, and so I found it too painful to wear. I would pull it out sometimes and look at it, thinking of him and where he might be. I always hoped that someday when Uther no longer was king, that he might return to me. Now I want you to wear it. Balinor would approve."

* * *

Merlin fingered the pendant under his shirt as he rode remembering his visit with his mother. It was now his most cherished possession but he was forced to wear it underneath his shirt, for fear of what Arthur or Uther would think if they were to see it; especially in light of the recent attacks.

The young man was mindful of his time. A large part of him wanted to stay in Ealdor and never return to Camelot, but he could no longer really look at Ealdor as his permanent home. The village where he grew up was tiny in comparison. The entire village, minus the fields, could fit within the marketplace of Camelot. Now that he had seen and lived on a much larger canvas for life he couldn't truly go back to the sketch pad that was his birthplace. As much as he enjoyed his visit with his mother; Arthur had given him four days to return and he knew that he must get back by the end of the day.

It was past midday and Merlin was not yet at the border of Cendred's kingdom. He would have preferred to ride straight through until he reached the safety of Arthur's kingdom, but his horse had other ideas. The animal needed to rest after riding nonstop since sunrise, so Merlin decided to dismount and walk; leading the horse rather than to stop altogether.

As he made steady progress toward the border of Camelot, Merlin wondered to himself when he had started thinking of Camelot as Arthur's kingdom rather than Uther's. He wasn't entirely sure when that subtle change in his thinking had come about, but he realized that he now viewed Camelot not only as his home but as the seat of Arthur's kingdom. Uther being king was only a temporary situation, and Merlin had begun to view Arthur as Camelot's true king. As Merlin guided the horse through the woods he walked along the side of the animal, but not being experienced in matters of warfare, it never occurred to him to walk on the same side that the scabbard and sword hung from on his saddle. It would have been wiser to be certain that he had quick and easy access to the weapon as the young warlock found out.

The attack came so fast that the stunned young man barely had time to think. Three of Cendred's soldiers converged on him from different directions all brandishing long swords with murderous intent. The soldier who reached Merlin first came at him from his right side; his sword sweeping down in a deadly arch. Merlin barely had time to move avoiding a fatal blow, but he wasn't quite quick enough to prevent a vicious slash across his right shoulder blade as he turned away from his attacker.

Pain seared through Merlin's back and he responded instinctively, screaming in pain. His eyes glowed bright gold and the soldier sailed through the air slamming into a tree with tremendous force and a sickening crunch knocking him out cold. The frightened horse screamed in protest rearing dangerously as the other two men continued to approach on it's position. When the horse came down solidly on all fours again it swung it's head wildly to the left away from the man running straight at it from the front and it's wounded rider. In doing do it's heavy head collided with the soldier approaching from the left sending him sprawling and causing the frightened horse to rear up a second time kicking it's legs out dangerously. A blow from one of them could be leathal.

Knowing this, Merlin managed to dodge sideways away from the whinnying horse and narrowly avoided a kick to the head from the panicked animal that now ran off to get away from the men causing such a ruckus. Merlin moved off to the right away from the soldier approaching from his front painfully aware that he was unarmed and totally vulnerable. His stunned mind didn't register the caution displayed by the man as he slowed in his approach having seen the open display of magic only a moment back of Merlin's shoulder throbbed painfully and he tried to ignore the sensation of warm blood trickling down his back. His mother's warning about Cendred's men attacking anyone they considered refugees rang in his mind, and Merlin held up his left hand causing the man to slow further.

"Wait! I'm from Ealdor." Merlin cried. The plea fell on deaf ears.

The soldier moved forward steadily and began to cautiously circle Merlin causing him to move in order to keep the advancing threat in front of him. The young warlock cast about for anything he could use as a weapon wishing he had the sword Arthur had given him before he left Camelot. Unfortunately it remained in it's scabbard attached to the side of the saddle on the horse, that had galloped off away from the encroaching threat, nearly trampling the man still sprawled on the ground after being knocked down by the panicked animal. Merlin could have easily attacked the man using magic, but the thought simply didn't occur to the young warlock who rarely used his magic as a weapon, and almost never would against a normal foe.

"Why are you doing this? I am from Ealdor, I'm just traveling. I've done nothing wrong!" Merlin tried to reason with the soldier.

He moved away from the advancing man putting as much distance between himself and the threat as he safely could without turning his back and running. The other soldier who had been sent flying by the horse was further away and now off to his left. The man started to get up from the ground with a curse on his lips drawing Merlin's attention. It was the opening the soldier closest to the young warlock was waiting for, and he capitalized on it instantly. He sprang forward slashing his sword down in a diagonal arch directly aimed at Merlin's chest. The quick movement brought Merlin attention back to him, and the boy arched backward quickly but not fast enough. The sword tip sliced through Merlin's shirt cutting a deep gash in his chest from his right collar bone down through his bicep to his breast bone. Merlin's backward step caused him to trip over a fallen log and he fell backward with a scream of pain torn from his lungs as he fell, his arms cartwheeling wildly causing more pain to sear through the wound on his right shoulder blade and now the deeper wound across his chest. He fell backward and his head connected with a sickening thunk on a large rock causing a starburst of light and pain to explode inside his skull before he knew nothing more.

**End Chapter Four**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N -** Finally here is the fifth and final chapter of our story. Thank you to everyone who has left a review, they are so nice to read. The Merlin fandom has some of the best readers and fans without a doubt! You guys are absolutely fabulous! Thanks for reading and please enjoy.

**Chapter Five**

Arthur had crossed over into Cendred's kingdom almost an hour ago, and still saw no sign of Merlin. He was starting to get very uncomfortable as worry for his friend began to build. He moved more slowly now straining his ears to hear any sounds wafting through the otherwise quiet forest when he heard a scream of pain from a few hundred yards ahead and off to the west. Without waiting to analyze what he was hearing, Arthur kicked his horse into action riding hard and fast toward the sound. As he drew nearer he heard the panicked sound of a horse's whinny, and he knew in his gut that it was the horse Merlin rode. He grabbed his loaded crossbow as well as his sword and jumped down off his own horse who meandered over to a patch of grass in a nearby clearing unconcerned about the sounds of battle.

Arthur raced forward through the trees and uneven ground and heard a familiar voice cry out desperately _"Wait! I'm from Ealdor."_

Arthur know knew that it was his wayward servant who was being attacked and his pace increased. Arthur had to pull up short as the frightened horse Merlin had been riding darted past him toward the clearing his own horse was grazing in, and he heard Merlin's voice again.

_"Why are you doing this? I am from Ealdor, I'm just traveling. I've done nothing wrong!"_

Merlin's voice was frightened and desperate which meant that he was in mortal peril. Arthur could tell from the sounds that Merlin was just over the next rise and the prince scrambled up the hill as quickly as he could. When he crested the hilly mound the sight before him made his blood run cold. There were three of Cendred's soldiers in the small forest clearing that formed a natural dip in the landscape. One of the soldiers looked to be unconscious or possibly dead as he lay motionless on the ground. Another was just getting up from the ground and walking toward the third soldier who stood with his arms raised up above his head holding his sword which was pointing down as he straddled a figure lying on the ground. Arthur knew it was Merlin even though he could not see him clearly. The man was about to drive his sword right through Merlin's body!

Arthur acted with the finely honed swiftness of years of training. He raised his crossbow and aimed quickly before releasing the trigger. The arrow shot through the air past the closer man who spun quickly to see where the new threat had come from. The arrow pierced the soldier about to kill Merlin on the left side of his back causing the man to arch as the arrow ran through him and out the front directly through his heart. The sword dropped from suddenly limp fingers straight down embedding itself so that it remained upright with it's hilt quivering slightly from the impact.

"No!" The cry ripped from Arthur's throat as he saw the sword fall.

He hadn't saved Merlin at all, he had caused his death. Arthur threw the crossbow to the side and jumped down the embankment with his sword firmly grasped in both hands, charging directly at the remaining soldier who stood between him and his servant's body. Rage and sorrow filled Arthur's heart as he attacked Cendred's man. The soldier was a skilled swordsman, but he was no match for the fury the young prince unleashed on him and was quickly overwhelmed. Arthur made short work of this toy soldier blocking his attempted attack and swinging around with his sword to run him through. As the man fell lifeless to the earth Arthur looked at Merlin lying so still thirty paces beyond. Tears sprang to his eyes blurring his vision, but that didn't slow the young prince as he scrambled over to his friend.

As he skidded to a stop in front of the supine figure, relief washed over him in such a torrent that he dropped to his knees trying to control the adrenalin rushing through his veins. The sword that Arthur thought had ended his servant's life was firmly embedded in the ground next to Merlin's right side having pierced the ground between the boy's body and right arm. The sharp implement had come so close to Merlin that it actually had cut the boy's flank as it pierced his tunic pinning it to the earth.

Arthur grabbed the sword by it's hilt and yanked it straight up and out of the ground tossing it aside before he bent over Merlin to assess his condition. There was a deep bloody gash running diagonally across his chest from the right just under his collar bone and all the way down to the middle of his chest. Deep crimson stained the boy's blue shirt and Arthur feared that he may have actually been too late. He touched the side of Merlin's face trying to tell if he still lived, and the young man's head rolled to the right off a stone showing a bright red stain on the rock where his head had struck with force. Merlin moaned slightly and Arthur let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.

There was a rustling off in the forest from the opposite direction and Arthur sprang to his feet his sword held ready to fend off any more of Cendred's men, but no one came rushing into the clearing. Arthur looked around and realized that he needed to get Merlin out of there and back to Camelot as quickly as possible. He sheathed his sword and reached down to grab Merlin's arms. He hauled the young man up unceremoniously and flung his over his shoulder noting how light he seemed to be. The boy had lost weight over the past few weeks, that much was clear. He had carried Merlin like this before and he was definitely lighter now.

Arthur turned back toward the rise he had come down and moved as quickly as possible back up through the forest. As he passed his discarded cross bow it took only a little extra effort to bend down and pick it up even while holding the unconscious man over his shoulder. It didn't take long to find the horses, and Arthur was thankful that Merlin's horse had stopped and was grazing with his own. Both animals looked up at his approach and the horse that Merlin had been riding tossed his head up and down anxiously at Arthur's approach and the smell of blood. The animal recognized the prince, responding to his soothing words, and calmed down enough to allow Arthur to drape Merlin over the saddle. He stowed the crossbow on his own saddle and mounted quickly still looking around for any sign of more soldiers.

As much as Arthur would have liked to have ridden hard for the border he was forced to take a more sedate pace with Merlin's unconscious body draped over his horse. The last thing the young man needed was to slide off the horse and be dropped on his, having already suffered a serious head wound. It took nearly two hours to reach the border of the kingdom and Arthur rode for another hour after that to make certain they were well into their own kingdom before stopping. He was almost afraid to see how badly Merlin had been injured. After three hours of riding the young man had not so much as whimpered or shown any sign of regaining consciousness.

When Arthur dismounted and moved over to check on his servant he was appalled by the amount of blood that had run down onto his face from the wound above and behind his left ear. Merlin's tunic was saturated in blood as well. The back of the shirt was cut along the right near the top indicating that he had a sword wound there as well as the one he had seen across the right side of his servant's chest.

Arthur looked up at the sky realizing that it was late afternoon and there were only a few hours of daylight left. Camelot was still at least seven or eight hours away at the pace they were able to travel, so like it or not he decided he needed to tend to Merlin's wounds and the make camp for the night. Arthur guided the horses over to a level clearing to his south and tethered the animals before he gently took Merlin down off his horse. He needed to get a better look at the young man's wounds so using his own body to prop his servant up, he carefully removed the young man's tunic. When he did something fell to the ground as the shirt came up over Merlin's head. Arthur reached down and picked up the small figurine crafted from a golden colored stone. He was interested in what it was, but now was not the time so he stuffed the blood covered object into his pocket before gently laying the unconscious man to the ground.

Arthur went to the horses and grabbed a bladder of water and rummaged around in Merlin's pack looking for a clean shirt. He found one as well as an old book. Once again he was stopped by the discovery wondering what the tomb contained, but again now was not the time to satisfy his curiosity. The book was laid aside as he searched around in the pack looking for something he could tear up to use for bandages. There was a third shirt in the bottom of the pack and he pulled that out as well. He went back to Merlin who was still out cold but had begun to shiver. The head wound had bleed profusely and the left side of the young man's face was a mess.

Arthur used the ruined tunic he had just taken off of Merlinto wipe off as much blood as he could before he splashed water over the young man's face to wipe up the blood that had dried. The wound on Merlin's head was actually just behind his left ear and a little higher than it. Arthur tore off a strip of cloth from the bottom of the shirt and folded it up to make a compression bandage to place over the wound then he ripped one of the sleeves off to use as a tie around the young man's head keeping the bandage in place. Once that was done Arthur rolled Merlin onto his left side so that he could get a better look at his back.

Merlin had a long diagonal gash about five inches in length that cut right down to the bone over his right shoulder blade. The young man was rather slender so it didn't take much to expose the bone but the sight of it turned Arthur's stomach a little. That wound had stopped bleeding, but it was dirty so Arthur splashed some more water across the cut and used the torn tunic to wash it off the best that he could. The wound welled up with fresh blood as he did this, but it wasn't bleeding freely and upon inspection it wasn't a very serious injury. He tore off the second sleeve of the blue shirt Merlin had been wearing and pressed the damp cloth to the wound in an effort to both stem the renewed bleeding somewhat and keep it clean so that he could roll him onto his back and look at the gash on his chest.

The chest wound was far deeper and more serious than the one on Merlin's back. After washing that wound which was still bleeding freely and wiping it off with the destroyed shirt he could clearly see the whitish hue of the young man's collar bone and looking into the deepest portion of the wound over the right side of his chest he thought he could see the smooth surface of a rib. The wound was made by a slashing motion of the sword but his ribs had done their job and protected his lungs from being damaged which Arthur was grateful for. This wound was still bleeding so he took one of the clean shirts that he had rummaged from Merlin's pack and tore off a wide band from the bottom of the shirt using his hunting knife pressing it down over the wound.

Merlin moaned pitifully at his ministrations and Arthur felt badly that he was hurting the young man, but if he didn't get the bleeding stopped it wouldn't have mattered how close they were to Camelot. Merlin wouldn't make it through the night. Arthur felt the muscles in the young man's body begin to shake and quiver as he shivered in the cool air. Arthur needed to keep pressure on the chest wound, but he also needed to get a blanket to cover Merlin and get a fire started. Arthur looked around for a solution to his dilemma, and after a moment he spied a flat heavy looking rock just off to his left. He let go and blood immediately began to seep out from under the fabric he had been holding down on Merlin's chest. Arthur retrieved the rock and quickly moved back to Merlin's side. He carefully laid the rock down on the young man's chest over the makeshift bandage trying to see underneath it as he did so to make sure it was doing the job. After a few moments no new blood seemed to be coming from the wound so he got up and went back to the horses to fetch a blanket to cover the shivering young man.

The cut from the fallen sword on Merlin's right side was superficial and Arthur paid it no mind as he cleared a spot on the ground fairly close to where Merlin lay to build a fire. It took Arthur nearly an hour to gather up enough firewood to last the night, build a fire and set up the camp. When he was done he went back to check on Merlin and found him struggling to breath. He lifted the rock from his chest which eased his strained breathing some what. The chest wound had essentially stopped bleeding so Arthur took the clean shirt he had torn to make the bandage for his chest and folded it into a long strip that he could tie around Merlin's torso to keep the bandage in place. When he raised him up enough to slide the folded shirt under the young man he saw that the damp blood soaked tunic sleeve had been wearing earlier was stuck to the wound across his back. He decided to just leave it there for the time being and he laid Merlin back down and tied the other folded shirt tightly around the young man's chest.

The sun was hanging very low in the sky at this point and the temperature was dropping. He needed to get a clean shirt on Merlin before it got dark so once again Arthur had to lift the young man up and as he had done previously he propped Merlin's upper body against his own in order to get the clean shirt over his head. At this point the bloody shirt fell away from the wound over Merlin's shoulder blade and dropped to the ground, but at least that wound had stopped bleeding altogether. Arthur pulled the shirt down over Merlin's torso and gently laid him down again then covered him up with the blanket. A fleeting thought ran through Arthur's mind. He wondered how difficult he was to dress in the mornings and he suddenly had a different perspective of the daily task. While it's true that Merlin didn't have to try and dress an unconscious Arthur every morning, it still seemed that the task may have had more to it than he had realized.

There was a small stream about 100 yards to the north and Arthur snatched up the blue blood soaked shirt as well as the water bladder and headed for the water. When he knelt down and opened the shirt up there wasn't a lot left of the thing. Even Merlin wouldn't be able to repair the damage done to the shirt after it was sliced three times by a sword and ripped up by Arthur to make bandages for Merlin's wounds. As he was about to dip the fabric in the water he noticed something brown sticking up out of the collar and pulled it out to see what it was. To his surprise it was a braided leather chord that had obviously been cut when the soldier's sword had sliced through Merlin's shirt and into his chest. It was only then that Arthur remembered the stone figurine that had dropped when he first took the shirt off of his servant.

Arthur reached into his pocket and withdrew the small figure and washed it in the stream. The low hanging sun glinted off the stone making it almost look alive with light. The figure was a carving of a dragon in flight. Down the center of the piece there was a streak with a reddish hue that was accentuated in the setting sunlight. The streak ran right down the body of the dragon and it was obviously a naturally occurring pigmentation of the stone. The effect was stunning and it showed exquisite craftsmanship. A piece like this was something that would be extremely valuable and Arthur wondered where Merlin had gotten it. He knew he had never seen it before, and Merlin did not usually wear any sort of pendant. He washed the shirt wringing it out only to find he had to wash it a second and third time before he was able to wring out the fabric without a torrent of red water coming from the ruined garment.

He took the shirt back to the camp and hung it near the fire to dry it. Before he sat down Arthur remembered the strange old book he had found in Merlin's pack, and went to retrieve it. The book looked to be decades old and it couldn't have belonged to Merlin, but there it was in his pack. Like the pendant it was something that just didn't seem to belong. A part of Arthur felt wrong looking through Merlin's things, but his curiosity got the better of him and he opened the leather bound book to see what it was.

The handwriting was completely unfamiliar. It wasn't Merlin's, for Arthur had seen his servant's hand writing on several other occasions. The first page of the book talked about the balance of nature and magic and how mankind fit into the natural and mystical worlds. Arthur had only planned to skim through the book to get an idea of what it contained, but soon found himself immersed in the writings. He was astonished to find teachings about the old religion written down that were all about peace and acceptance, life and death, and unity and harmony between the natural world and the mystical one. These were not the ramblings of twisted and evil men. This book talked about the old religion as a guide for tolerance and understanding. This was nothing even remotely close to what he had always been taught about the old religion or about magic. The young prince of Camelot became enthralled by what he read and devoured the pages like a dry sponge soaking up everything drop of water it could hold.

_'What was someone like Merlin doing with a book like this?'_ Arthur wondered. He looked over at his servant who lay deathly still and felt a shiver crawl up his spine. His normally vivacious and active servant was too still and it unsettled the young prince.

_'Someone like Merlin.'_ Arthur realized in that instant that some – if not most – of his preconceptions about his servant were way off the mark. Until now, Arthur would never have guessed that Merlin would have any interest at all in the old religion or magic. The lure of the interesting and provocative ideas in the Merlin's book drew Arthur's attention away from Merlin and back to the pages scrawled in someone else's hand. There were quite a few blank pages and pages that had things written on them then scratched off. Arthur thumbed past them until he came to a page filled with text.

The section he now read was more of a personal journaling written by the author of the book and as Arthur read another chill of a wholly different nature crawled up his spine at the tale the pages told. This book had been written by Balinor. The journaling section of the book was only six pages long, but it chronicled the story that Merlin had told him about the Dragon Lord and his father complete with a few details that Merlin had left out. This must be what Balinor told Merlin when he lay unconscious with fever when they went to find the Dragon Lord.

As he read on and got to the point in the tale when Balinor fled Camelot and he was shocked to read that he had help in his escape. The man who helped him was not named, but the description led him to an obvious conclusion. Gaius was a trusted advisor to his father and he was stunned beyond belief that the court physician would betray Uther's trust. He didn't disagree with what Gaius had done. He, himself, had done essentially the same thing when he helped Mordred, the druid boy, to escape execution, but the thought that Gaius would do the same floored Arthur.

He read on now fully invested in the story and found he had to put the book down after reading further. Arthur looked over again at Merlin and found himself studying his servant's facial features. Arthur had finally found the connection between the enigmatic Dragon Lord and his ingenuous servant. Balinor was Merlin's father. Merlin had never known his father and clearly had never met Balinor before. The tears he cried when Balinor was killed made complete sense now, and Arthur mentally kicked himself for what he had said to Merlin about no man being worth his tears. Merlin had finally found his father only to have the man taken from him immediately.

Arthur realized that Merlin had not gone to Ealdor at all, or at least not right away. He had gone back to find his father's body and lay him to rest. He must have ventured back to the cave where they had found the Dragon Lord and that is where he had gotten this book. Merlin's pain and sorrow came into sharp focus for Arthur. He had suffered a tremendous loss and could share it with no one. He had born the burden of grief alone. Balinor had died saving Merlin, and therefore he must also be burdened with guilt over that death. It was not a wonder that he had taken everything so much to heart. Arthur found himself admiring the young man's bravery and stoicism in the face of such crushing grief not sure whether or not he would hold up as well if their positions had been reversed.

"I'm sorry, Merlin. You should have told me. I could have eased your grief. You should have trusted me."

Arthur knew that Merlin couldn't hear him, but he felt the need to say something to his friend. Merlin had stood by his side through many trials and Arthur wished their relationship was such that he could openly do the same in return. How many times had Merlin told Arthur that someday when he was king he could change the arcane way that the gentry and common folk interacted? When Arthur was king he could take a wife who was a handmaiden and call a servant his friend. When he was king things would be different. In that moment Arthur Pendragon vowed that many things would change when he took the throne. Merlin was his friend no matter what his background. He had earned that position in Arthur's life through his deeds and loyalty. Gwen may be a serving girl, but she was also the only woman his heart beat for. Yes, things would definitely change when he became king.

Arthur's musings were interrupted when Merlin moaned and cried out pitifully.

"No! Wait!"

Arthur quickly moved to the young man's side to see if he was awake. Merlin's eyes were still closed as he rolled his head from side to side breathing heavily in the grips of some inner turmoil.

"Stop! Please stop."

Arthur grabbed Merlin's face in both hands trying to calm him down. "Merlin, it's alright. You're safe now." As he touched the young man, Arthur felt heat radiating off of him in waves. "My, God, you're burning up!" he exclaimed.

Arthur moved so that the light of the fire illuminated his friend and he pulled up the young man's shirt. He carefully pulled the edge of the makeshift bandage down from Merlin's chest wound and even in the dim light cast by the fire he could see the wound was puffy and red with infection. _Cendred's men obviously didn't keep their swords cleaned properly_ the prince thought, with disgust. There was nothing he could do to help Merlin except to keep him covered while also trying to keep his fever down. Arthur grabbed the torn, drying shirt from the branch it had been hanging on, as well as the water skin. He soaked the shirt in the cool water from the stream and used that to wipe Merlin's brow while he pulled the blanket up around his shoulders to ward off the chill night air.

Once Merlin had settled down, Arthur once again soaked the cloth in water and laid it across Merlin's brow. He saw the book lying beside the fire and reached over to pick it up. Balinor's tale wasn't quite complete so he sat there next to Merlin reading the book as more startling revelations came to light the further he read.

* * *

The night had been long and troubled. Merlin's fever raged on even though Arthur did his best to keep his servant's brow cool. The prince dozed off fitfully throughout the night but never really slept. As the sky began to slowly brighten in the pre-dawn light Arthur got up and began to break camp. He planned to get Merlin back to Gaius as soon as possible for he had no intention of loosing his friend now. Rather than lay Merlin across the saddle of the horse the way he had when they first fled Cendred's kingdom, Arthur managed to sit the unconscious man up in the saddle with his upper body laying along the horses stout neck. He used some rope to tie Merlin onto the horse so that they could travel faster as well as keeping his head from hanging down possibly causing the head wound to begin bleeding again.

Arthur was able to take a faster pace with Merlin securely tied to his horse and they arrived at the gates of Camelot well before midday. As Arthur rode in, he instructed the guards to fetch Gaius quickly as more guards ran up to the prince. Uther had been looking for Arthur and was most displeased to find that his son had left without word as to his wear-abouts. The guards and knights who should have been patrolling to border had been waylaid from that task by order of the king. They had been sent out in search of the missing prince instead. This explained why Arthur had not seen a single patrol on his trip back. He had wondered about that, and had made a mental note to speak with the captain of the border patrol to find our why there was no one watching the border to Cendred's kingdom.

Gaius and Uther arrived in the court yard at the same time each heading for one of the young men. Uther was livid when he realized that Arthur had ridden off in search of his servant rather than tending to his duties here in Camelot and he began to say so right there in the middle of the courtyard. Arthur pointedly ignored his father and focused his attention on Merlin, giving Gaius the details of his injuries. He instructed two of the guards standing by to carry Merlin to Gaius' chambers. When the men hesitated glancing sideways at their angry king, Arthur spoke up loudly.

"You heard me! I gave you an order, now carry it out!"

The guards once again glanced at Uther and he nodded slightly. Only then did they move and take the unconscious man down from the horse. The king had obviously realized that having a loud verbal argument with Arthur in front of everyone was not appropriate and it would have to wait. For this Arthur was grateful, and he turned to his father.

"Cendred's men are posing a more serious risk than we had originally thought, Sire. I will give you a report on the activities near the border shortly in the throne room." With that Arthur turned and left the courtyard, following the men who were carrying Merlin.

After placing Merlin on the small bed near the fire as Gaius instructed, Arthur told the guards to assemble all of the border patrol who were still in Camelot for a meeting in the armory in a hour's time and then dismissed them. Gaius had immediately begun to look over Merlin's injuries. With Arthur's help he got the boy's shirt off and he was now unwrapping the bandages that Arthur had fashioned.

After inspecting the wound over the boy's shoulder blade, the one on his chest, the cut on his flank and the head wound the aging physician turned his head to Arthur. "The wound on his chest is infected as you know. It is fairly deep but once the infection is dealt with it should heal well. These are very good field dressings, Arthur. It is nice to know that you paid attention when I instruct the knights in regard to battlefield injuries."

Arthur looked over Gaius' shoulder at Merlin. "Will he be alright?"

"You got him here fairly quickly, so yes I do believe he will recover. It will take some time before he will be able to fully use his right arm. The muscles have been cut, but the tendons are intact and with time the muscle will heal. I am very glad that you went out after Merlin, Arthur, but Uther was very angry this morning when he realized that you had left."

"It's a good thing I did. Cendred has lost all reason. His soldiers are attacking his own people!"

At that statement Gaius straightened up staring at Arthur with a surprised and grave expression. "How do you know this?"

"I heard Merlin trying to get the soldiers to stop attacking him. He cried out that he was from Ealdor. The same thing happened with the people who came here yesterday. One of the women was also from Cendred's kingdom. With that party I could possibly see the soldiers looking at them as refugees from Camelot, but Merlin was alone and he was not headed in a direction that would have marked him as fleeing Camelot. Rather the opposite actually. With this kind of activity going on just over the border, it won't be long before Cendred has civil unrest to deal with. There are at least a dozen border communities and if they are unable to safely travel within their own kingdom how are they to trade, get supplies, or survive? It will not be long before we start seeing refugees fleeing _from_ Cendred's kingdom looking for shelter here! This is a very serious matter that I must discuss with the king. Take care of Merlin, Gaius. I'll come back and check on him as soon as I can."

Gaius nodded his head and bent back to his work not envying either Arthur or Uther the problem that now faced them so soon after the city had be so badly damaged.

* * *

Arthur walked into the open door of the court physician's chambers. Gaius was not in the main room but he could see movement in the small chamber at the back that was Merlin's room. The day had been long and arduous but the prince was determined to see how his servant was doing. Arthur closed the main door to the physician's chambers and stepped over to the short staircase leading up to Merlin's small room. The door stood open and Gaius was just sitting down after tending to his ward. Arthur stepped up the stairs and knocked lightly on the door frame. Gaius turned his head and smiled at the young prince of Camelot.

"Sire." he said, by way of greeting.

"How is he?" Arthur asked, simply.

Arthur was pleased to see a smile grace the old man's face. He had looked so grave the day before when he had left Merlin in the care of the physician. "His fever is down. The poultice I used on the infection seems to have done the trick."

Arthur moved into the room and looked at the young man lying in bed. He still look small and pale and fragile to the prince, but his pallor had taken on a better color than when they had first arrived back in Camelot.

"Has he awakened yet?"

"Not fully. He has begun to come around a couple of times, but he is still very weak. I have managed to get some water and a few sips of broth into him. That along with some medicinal elixirs are helping to bring his strength back a bit. I don't imagine it will be too much longer before he wakes up enough to know where he is."

Arthur held the old leather bound book he had found in Merlin's pack in his hand as well as a couple of shirts. The prince took a seat on the edge of the bed facing Gaius. The physician saw the book and asked curiously, "What do you have there?"

"I don't imagine Merlin has very many clothes. I think I have only ever seen him wear three different shirts two of which have been torn up for bandages, so I brought him a couple of my old ones." Arthur said as he set the shirts down on the bed. He turned the book over in his hands and looked up at Gaius. "Also when I was rummaging through Merlin's pack looking for something to use as bandaging material I found this. I know he would want it back."

Gaius looked surprised to see Arthur holding something that obviously belonged to his ward and a wary glint entered his eyes. He had never seen the book and he had no idea what was in it, but it looked very old and he feared what secrets it might contain. Arthur saw the emotions play across the old man's face and he felt compelled to explain.

"I didn't mean to invade his privacy. I knew that the book couldn't have been written by him, it's too old for that. I just glanced through the first few pages to see what it was, and... well I was drawn in like a moth to the flame. Gaius, I have always been taught that the old religion and magic are powerful, destructive, and evil forces. That is all I have ever known. What this book spoke of was a completely different perspective of the old religion and of magic itself.

"It spoke of peace, harmony, and a unity between the mystical world of magic and the natural world. It explained how magic was an integral part of the natural world and as old as the Earth itself. Gaius, that is in direct contrast to everything I have ever been taught. For as long as I can remember it has been drummed into me that magic is unnatural and evil, but what was written here in these pages not only made logical sense, it _felt_ right. The philosophy in this book tells about life and death and the balance of the world. It talks about the distinction between the use of magic as a tool for healing and life verses dark magic that is a personification of a black soul. It is essentially a more detailed account of what you said to me. Magic is neither good nor evil. It is the one who wields it that determines its intent."

Arthur looked over at Merlin sleeping as he continued to speak. "This book didn't just hold the philosophies of it's author, however. It told a story as well. Further into the pages I found a detailed accounting of an experience that the writer had. It didn't take long for me to realize that the author of this work was Balinor."

Arthur watched Gaius to see what his reaction to that information would be. The older man looked startled but he said nothing.

"The story Balinor wrote chronicled how he was lured to Camelot under false pretenses and then betrayed. How he had to escape from the city with the help of a 'good man'. He didn't mention who had helped him by name, but his descriptions made that person fairly obvious to me."

The old physician sat up straighter in his chair looking Arthur in the eye. He was obviously unsettled by the fact that his secret had been revealed, but he looked ready to face what ever consequences would follow.

"Gaius, you don't have to worry. I won't say anything to anyone. You did the right thing. What happened back then was wrong, and I won't defend my father for having innocent men put to death. Balinor's tale didn't end with his escape from Camelot however. He wrote that he took shelter in a small village in a neighboring kingdom and that he fell in love with a young woman there. He had built a life for himself only to have that ripped away as well, when the knights of Camelot came looking for him."

Arthur once again looked over at his servant. He looked so small and frail in that moment. "I couldn't help wondering what someone like Merlin would be doing with a book like this. Merlin is a farm boy from a tiny village. What could he possibly know of these kinds of things? As I continued to read I was shocked to find hidden within these pages a revelation about this farm boy from a tiny village. A revelation that has answered dozens of questions that had been running through my mind. Now I _know_ what Merlin has tried so hard to hide from me all of this time."

Gaius stood up and stepped over to the bed, checking Merlin's temperature again. Arthur could tell that he was very disturbed by what Arthur had discovered. It also confirmed for the prince that Gaius had known all along what Merlin's secret was.

"You knew didn't you?"

Gaius turned to face Arthur squaring his shoulders. He moved so that he was almost shielding the boy from Arthur and jutted his chin out a little. "What is it that you think I know?

Arthur couldn't blame Gaius. He was after all talking to the crowned prince of Camelot about a matter of treason. "You knew that Balinor was Merlin's father."

Gaius let out a breath and bowed his head before he sat down again. For some inexplicable reason he seemed relieved. "Yes, I did."

"Why, Gaius? Why did you never tell Merlin? Why did Hunith never tell him? He told me once that he had never known his father and that when he asked his mother about him she wouldn't talk about it. All those years he grew up without his father, and the man lived less than a day's journey from Ealdor."

Gaius shook his head. "I wanted to tell Merlin, Arthur, but Hunith was afraid. She wanted to keep him safe. Balinor was a hunted man and if it was known that he had a son, then Merlin would have been in as much danger as Balinor, or worse; Merlin could have been used as a weapon against him, a way to draw him out into the open."

Arthur hadn't thought of that, but it made perfect sense. "I don't blame you or Hunith given the circumstances, but I do understand how he feels - how he felt." Arthur corrected himself, now that Balinor truly was dead. "I know what it was like to grow up with such an important part of your life missing." Arthur looked back at the sleeping young man. "He didn't deserve this, any of it."

After a moment Arthur looked back at Gaius. "What really surprised me was what was written in the book after the story of Balinor's encounters in Camelot and Ealdor. He had so much taken from him, I would have expected to see anger, and vengeance reflected in the pages following that story, but instead he spoke of forgiveness, redemption, and hope. Even after everything that my father did to this man, he wrote that Uther wasn't his true enemy; ignorance and fear were.

"That was the last entry in the book and judging by the age of the pages and the fading ink I would guess that those sentiments were written down a very long time ago. Forgiveness was the last thing on Balinor's mind when Merlin and I found him. All I saw was anger and bitterness, at least at first. The years had been unkind to Balinor as they would for any man in his situation, but he still acted honorably. He healed me, and he did eventually agree to come back to Camelot. I just wish Merlin had trusted me enough to tell me the truth about Balinor."

"I told him not to." Gaius answered, simply.

This caused Arthur's eyebrows to rise up in surprise. "Why?"

"When you and Merlin left to find Balinor I cautioned him to say nothing to you, for fear of what your father would think. The son of a Dragon Lord would be viewed in a very unfavorable light, I'm afraid."

Arthur stared at Gaius for a moment shaking his head. "_You_ told him? I thought that Balinor had told Merlin who he was, while I was unconscious."

Gaius shrugged. "Balinor had no idea that he had a son. He left Ealdor before Hunith found out she was pregnant. She has kept that secret all of these years to protect both of them. It was Merlin who revealed himself to Balinor, not the other way around."

Arthur nodded and stood up from the bed. "That explains a few things."

Gaius looked at the book that Arthur still held in his hands. "What do you intend to do with that, Sire?" The trepidation in Gaius' voice was clear to the young prince even though the older man tried to hide it.

"Gaius, I do not see the world through my father's eyes. He has made many mistakes along the way, but he didn't have the advantage of knowing how to distinguish between the kind of magic talked about in this book, and the kind of magic that people like Nimueh, Morgause and Seigan practiced. I'm glad that I read what Balinor wrote down, it has given me a new perspective. Merlin can not help who his father was and he should not incur suspicion and doubt based on his parentage. Until two weeks ago he never even know who his father was. As for this book - It doesn't belong to me, and I'm sure Merlin would want it back. It is one of the only things he has left of his father."

Gaius was ever the pragmatic and said, "If he is ever discovered by the king with that book..."

With a smile Arthur opened the sole cupboard in the room and placed the book inside. "I'm pretty sure Merlin can keep a secret."

* * *

_  
_Arthur still had so many things to do with the new building happening in the lower town and continued repairs throughout the city, not to mention organizing border patrols to keep unwary citizens of Camelot a good distance from the border to Cendred's kingdom as well as keeping Cendred's soldiers out of his own kingdom that he had not been able to get back to see Merlin in the last two days.

He had asked Gwen when he saw her in passing to keep him updated on Merlin's recovery and was pleased to hear that Merlin had been able to actually get up and out of bed earlier that day. He made it a point to go and see his servant as soon as he finished with the border patrol. It was just past sundown when Arthur knocked on the door to Gaius' chambers and was greeted by the court physician.

"How is Merlin doing?" He asked, as soon as the door was opened.

"Please come in and see for yourself." Gaius replied. "I'll just go and fetch some fresh water from the well."

Gaius picked up the water bucket and left the prince and his ward to speak privately. Arthur saw Merlin sitting at the table near the fire. He had a decidedly forlorn look on his face and he had apparently not even noticed that Arthur had entered the room. His right arm was held against his chest in a sling and he still sported a proper bandage around his head that covered his right ear in order to stay in place over the wound on the left side of his head. Arthur thought for a moment that the young man might not have heard him enter and he cleared his throat loudly to get the young man's attention. Merlin turned his head and looked at Arthur seeming to take a moment to register that he was standing there.

"Arthur!" He finally said, apparently surprised to see him.

"I'm sorry I haven't been by to see you since you woke up. Considering what happened to you and others we have needed to start patrolling the border to Cendred's kingdom. I do not want any more of our people falling prey to his soldiers."

"I understand I have you to thank for getting me back here in one piece, so... thanks."

Arthur stepped over to the table and sat down opposite the young man smiling smugly. "Yes, well I guess it was my turn to save _your_ backside." he said, playfully mirroring what Merlin had said to him the night they fought the dragon.

Arthur noticed that Merlin still had an almost lost look in his eyes and he wondered for a moment if it was because of the blow to his head, until the young man unconsciously reached up to his chest with his free hand as if searching for something that wasn't there.

"What's wrong, Merlin?"

The warlock looked at Arthur and dropped his hand. "Nothing, why?"

"Merlin, you _can_ talk to me, you know. You can tell me anything, you should know that by now, so what has you so upset; aside from being bashed on the head and filleted like fish."

Merlin had to smirk at Arthur's description of his injuries. "It's nothing, really. I... It's just that I've lost something that was very precious to me... back in the forest when Cendred's men attacked, so I know I'll never get it back."

Arthur reached into his pocket and drew out the dragon pendant that was now supported on a brass colored metal chain rather than the ruined braided leather chord it once had.

"Is this what you are looking for?" Arthur asked, as he handed the piece over to Merlin.

The look of shock, delight, relief, and sheer awe on the young man's face was quite a sight for Arthur. He was so pleased that Merlin gave him such a good reaction.

"This was tangled up in your shirt when I found you. The chord that held it had been cut by the sword that gave you that." Arthur said, indicating the wound on Merlin's chest. "It's really sheer luck that it didn't fall out of your clothing as we rode out of Cendred's kingdom. I didn't find it until we stopped for the night well on this side of the border. The chain should hold it better than the leather which was looking fairly old and frayed in any case."

Merlin didn't seem to know what to say. He took the pendant in a shaky hand before glancing up at Arthur almost shyly. He was obviously trying to gauge what Arthur thought of such a possession, especially after what Kilgharrah had done to the city.

"Merlin, I am not my father, nor will I ever be. We can not choose who our parents are, and no man should be held accountable for who their fathers are or what they have done. When I found you in the dungeon with Halig I told him that you have my complete trust. Those were not just idle words, Merlin. I _do_ trust you completely. I just wish you would trust me as well."

Merlin's eyes looked pained at Arthur's words. "I do trust you, Arthur... with my life."

Arthur just shook his head. He could see clearly that Merlin was still hiding his secret; unwilling to trust his master with the information. Arthur couldn't really blame him, but he wanted to make a point and looked pointedly at his servant. "You don't; not really. You don't trust me to do the right thing..."

Merlin interrupted him blurting out, "That's not true!"

Arthur would not be dissuaded. "Balinor was a good man; an honorable man, Merlin. You should be proud to have been able to call him father, even if only for one day."

Merlin's eyes opened wide and he looked toward the door that Gaius had gone through. Arthur could read him easily enough and continued.

"Gaius didn't tell me. It may come as a surprise to you, Merlin, but I'm not as thick as you seem to think I am. I figured it out on my own. The point is, you have nothing to fear from me. I have no intention of telling anyone, least of all my father who Balinor was to you. It certainly isn't your fault that Balinor was your father and you should not be held accountable to my father or anyone else for that fact any more than I should be held to task for my father's actions. I just wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me. There was no need for you to bear the burden of such a tremendous loss and grief alone."

Arthur watched a myriad of emotions flit across Merlin's features until the young man dropped his head and stared down at the small figure in his hand.

"Merlin, I love my father; he is the only parent I have ever known. I respect him as the ruler who brought peace and prosperity to this kingdom. That peace came at a very high price; a price I don't think I would have been willing to pay. My father is a hard man. The tragedies in his life have molded him into the man - the ruler - that he is. He didn't have a trusted friend who stood beside him challenging him or his ideas, and keeping him true to himself. I don't want you to judge me or my intentions based on what my father thinks or believes. I am my own man and the more I learn of the past the more I know that my vision for Camelot is far different from my father's.

"You have proven time and again that you are a true and loyal friend to me as well as this kingdom. You love Camelot as much as I do, I can clearly see that because you have shown it in your actions. I will always protect my friends; of that you can rely. It doesn't matter that I am a prince and you are a servant. It doesn't change the nature of the trust between us, a trust I hope that you will someday come to share."

Arthur wasn't sure, but Merlin's eyes seemed to reflect deep regret and maybe even longing. It took a few moments for Merlin to compose himself as Arthur's intention seemed to sink in. When the young man turned his face back up to look at Arthur, his face became a picture of stunned amazement which quite delighted the prince. He had finally gotten one over on the plucky young servant who always seemed to have an answer for everything. Merlin looked down at the pendant in his hand turning it over to see the amber streak down the body of the dragon.

"That piece is exquisite." Arthur said. "Balinor obviously put a lot more time into it than he did the wooden carving. I promise you, Merlin, that a day will come when you can wear this pendant openly and without fear of reprisal."

For a moment Arthur was worried that Merlin would start crying seeing how his eyes suddenly glistened, but he didn't.

"Thank you, Arthur." It looked like Merlin wanted to say something else, but he just looked down at the pendant again cradled gently in his left hand. After a pause the young man looked up at Arthur. "I don't know what to say."

Arthur wasn't very good with awkward moments like this so he smiled as he stood up. "Say that you will get some rest because I have a list of chores for you that is longer than your arm!"

Merlin ducked his head to hide the emotions parading across his face. "Yeah, I'll do that." he replied in a voice that spoke of his struggle to keep his emotions in check.

"Seriously, Merlin, I do have a lot for you to do, so drink what ever nasty potions Gaius gives you. Oh, and for God's sakes eat something would you? I think you actually bruised my shoulder with your bony hide when I had to carry you back to your horse!"

**The End**

**A/N **- I am working on a continuation of Square Peg Round Hole - but the progress is slow at the moment. Real life has naturally asked for my attention again. We had a death in the family on Sunday morning and there are several issues that the family must deal with right now that are taking priority over my favorite hobby. No worries though - it will all come together and it shouldn't be too terribly long before that story will have a chapter two.


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